Monday, February 7, 2005

V-Day Approaches

Mrs. Linklater was out and about on AOL this evening. Try as she might, she couldn't avoid all the opportunities to hook up for Valentine's Day. [She likes Godiva chocolates, funny cards, and flowers if you're asking]. It doesn't take much to see that for anyone looking for love, AOL is a regular carnival of cyber generated opportunities, if you'll pardon her cynicism. But you can't get any lovin' without a great opening line.  And here are twenty-five suggested by the galloping geeks over at Match.com who must be celibate. With Mrs. Linklater's candid replies.

 

25 scintillating subject lines
Randy B. Hecht Love@AOL by match.com

. . .Want to make an [email/IM] impression that sets you apart in a crowded field. Want an enthusiastic reply? Try one of these openers to begin a great conversation that could lead to a great relationship:

1. Your profile made me smile. I'd love to return the favor!

Mrs. L:   But I better not hold my breath.

2. We haven't even met, and I'm daydreaming about you.

Mrs L:  I smell restraining order.

3. You remind me of my dinner tonight-full of spice!

Mrs. L: You remind me of the gas that comes later.

4. Oh, my!

Mrs. L:  Oh, no.

5. Your profile reminded me why I joined Match.com

Mrs. L:  For some reason, you think you're attractive.

6. Even my PC screen lit up at the sight of you

Mrs. L:  Check to see if you're sitting on something.

7. What a delightful surprise you are!

Mrs. L:  Like chocolate poured over green beans or something better?

8. I think our dogs need a play date and we need a real date!

Mrs. L:  I'll bring my new pooper scooper.

9. Boy, do we have a lot in common!

Mrs. L:  We can both type.  It's a start.

10. Hoping to pique your curiosity ... for starters ...

Mrs. L:  I know, you're hung like a donkey.  Thanks for sharing.

11. If I weren't so shy, I'd tell you you're gorgeous

Mrs. L:  In two seconds, you're going to say you bet I have nice hooters and a great ass, but you're shy and something like that would never enter your mind.

12. What an upbeat attitude. I'm positive we'd click!

Mrs. L:  Do I hear the sound of handcuffs?

13. I'd love to hear more about your travels.

Mrs. L:  Well, I get in my car, drive it to work.  Park it.  And drive back home again.  You?

14. Flirt Alert!

Mrs. L: Oh, good, you're about to turn on your personality. I'm sure it's gotta be here somewhere. [YAWN]

15. You sound like a great person and parent — can we chat?

Mrs. L:  You're looking for that special someone to wipe your fanny and keep juice boxes in the fridge?

16. Your profile just gave me a cardiovascular workout

Mrs. L:  Why do I think your keyboard needs cleaning up, too.

17. I'm trying to decide what comes next after WOW

Mrs. L:  Sheesh, another high school dropout.

18. Has anyone told you you're fascinating?

Mrs. L: Usually they can't spell "fascinating."

19. Read your profile last night and thought of you all day today.

Mrs. L:  Why do I feel uncomfortable hearing this?

20. Are you free for dinner tonight?

Mrs. L: Or are you worried you'll have to pay for my meal and then pray you'll get a freebie later?

21. Blown away ...

Mrs. L: Don't go there.

22. Do you often turn cynics into romantics?

Mrs. L:  I'm usually more successful going the other direction.

23. You could bring out the gold medal snuggler in me.

Mrs. L:  Luckily, it won't come to that.

24. I could tell you my life story ... but I think it won't begin until we meet

Mrs. L: And then you'll bore me for hours with how wonderful you are.

25. Just when I was sure there was no one like you ... here you are!

Mrs. L:  Gone in sixty seconds.

13 comments:

greyhoundloner03 said...

"gold medal snuggler"?

vomit...


xoxoxo

mosie1944 said...

That's great stuff.  You gave me my first laugh-out-loud of the day.

swmpgrly said...

OmG soooo lame..lol
I bet theres some old disco has been that still uses those lines.

robbush6 said...

Omigod! You are so funny. Blown away. Don't go there. Gold Medal snuggler? What the hell is that? Someone who peaked at age 5?

screaminremo303 said...

"I'm scheduled for early-release in the Spring..."

quartrlyfecrysis said...

oh how I love laughing at other people :)  Thanks Mrs. L!
xoxo~Bernadette

belfastcowboy75 said...

My name is Paul. I'm telling you now, because you'll be screaming it in an hour.

yakvette said...

Holy crap.  Is this guy serious?  Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  If you don't mind, I'm going to copy and paste your entry and after YOUR response, I'm going to add mine, because you know, I think it's important that we tag-team the author of these skin-crawling "openers" with "closers" from real smart women.  With curves.  And what says "I Love You" more than plagiarizing someone else's journal?  

Yak

judithheartsong said...

oh lord have mercy!!!! Loved it!!!! judi

somenuttychic said...

Your replies had me tearing up with laughter!

lamove04 said...

Luv your Winter pic... you're sure to have CyberRomance success with that one.  I myself have sworn off men.  --Albert

cneinhorn said...

Loved it!  :-)  ~JerseyGirl

quroboros said...

Ah, that's my girl!  A visit to Mrs. L's place always gives me a smile and reassurance.  So good to know I'm not the only pathologically incurable smartass out there.  ¤Holly