Thursday, June 23, 2005


Prepare to be shocked

Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor June 22, 2005

Breaking News


Madman Unveils Organizational Chart in Latest Terror Tape
In a new terror tape broadcast today, al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden dismissed the importance of an al-Qaeda terrorist currently in U.S. custody, claiming that the terrorist, Abu Faraj al-Libbi, was not the No. 3 man in al-Qaeda but was actually only No. 9.

Mr. bin Laden took to the airwaves of the Arabic-language al-Jazeera network to downplay Mr. al-Libbi's capture, saying that the terrorist had been demoted from No. 3 to No. 9 last autumn and that his role in the international terror group was "largely administrative."

Using a PowerPoint presentation of al-Qaeda's organizational chart, the world's most wanted man offered viewers a rare glimpse into the structure of the highly secretive terror network.

According to the chart, Mr. al-Libbi had no terrorists of any consequence reporting to him and had been given the somewhat nebulous title of "community liaison."

"Furthermore, Abu Faraj al-Libbi no longer has an al-Qaeda expense account and does not get reimbursed for mileage," Mr. bin Laden said.

But in Washington, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld questioned Mr. bin Laden's tepid appraisal of Mr. al-Libbi's importance, saying that if the captured terrorist was not in fact No. 3, he was "at least No. 5 or No. 6."

Supporting his position, Mr. Rumsfeld added, "We have credible intelligence indicating that Mr. al-Libbi was al-Qaeda's Employee of the Month in April."


billierwilson said...

thank you, i needed that laugh. still laughing.

robbush6 said...

I was so ready for my "This is Funny Dammit" moment of the day. I get it, because I work for the government. I can't get "demoted" unless they catch me smoking crack AND soliciting sex from minors at my desk during working hours. All this and per diem.

belfastcowboy75 said...

Andy gets me every day. How about the engagement announcement between the runaway bride and Deep Throat? "I knew she would be Mrs. Throat."