Thursday, September 8, 2005

TAG I'M IT

Okay I'll do this. Two people tagged me. I'll return the favor some day.

SEVEN THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE.

That I can talk about here.

1. Get a new left hip.   

2. Get the right one fixed too while we're at it.

3. Meet all my friends in J-Land for a party. No convention, just a rent a VFW somewhere and hang out for a couple of days. Hey, maybe we all just drive to a Wal-Mart parking lot.

4. Hold my first grandchild.  Hand it back to its parents as soon as it poops.

5. Attend my daughters' weddings.  Not necessarily in that order.

6. Win the lottery.

7. Do what everybody has been telling me to do for years.

SEVEN THINGS I CAN DO

1.  I can write mirror writing [right to left and backwards] with my left hand while, simultaneously, I am writing normally [left to right and forwards]with my right.

2. I have two completely different kinds of handwriting.  So different that graphologists [handwriting analysts] think I'm two separate people entirely. I thought I should be on Oprah. She didn't.

3. I can make you laugh.

4. I can make old fashioned fudge from scratch. Hollandaise sauce too.

5. I can reach the top shelf without a ladder.

6. I can tell you the ten things all men want, but it'll cost you.

7. Sometimes after one conversation, I can tell you what kind of car you drive, dog you own, sports you played, and childhood you experienced. Other times, I'm not so good.

THINGS I CAN'T DO

1. I can't stand people who have to have the toilet paper a certain way.

2. I can't watch a movie without my Raisinets.

3. I can't be in the same room with a smoker. Even if they're not smoking, if the smell is in their clothes.

4. I can't stand on my head anymore.

5. I can't jump Double Dutch anymore either.

6. I can't eat Sweetbreads.

7. I can't believe I'm doing this.

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO THE OPPOSITE SEX:

1. Tall, dark, handsome and breathing

2. Athletic, blue-eyed, funny and not married

3. Intelligent, knowledgeable, former commando who hasn't served time

4. Sipping whiskey voice, far flung imagination, outdoorsman who isn't into animals

5. Risktaker, romantic, cowboy with sloping shoulders who isn't a virgin

6. Lifesaver, dry humor, man's man who likes women

7. Professional, easy going, raconteur who doesn't repeat his stories again and again.

SEVEN THINGS I SAY MOST OFTEN

1. Holy S**T!

2. Holy C**P!

3. Holy Toledo!

4. "Freaking" anything, as in

5. No "Freaking" way

6. What the F**K?

7. We're F**KED!

SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES

1. Russell Crowe

2. Sam Shepard

3. Harrison Ford

4. Josh Hartnett

5. The guy that played Reese Witherspoon's husband in Sweet Home Alabama -- not her fiance, the blond guy.

6. Mel Gibson in Mad Max -- the first one and the first Lethal Weapon, the one where he walks to the fridge buck naked.

7. Dennis Quaid

SEVEN PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO TAG:

Anyone who reads this and wants to play, consider yourself tagged.

13 comments:

dimundntheruf69 said...

these are all great answers..
please share with us the ten things men want...
what kind of dog do I own??
what kind of car do I drive?
what was my childhood like?
what sports did/do I play?
and what are the 7 things you plan to do before you die????
come on please..pretty please tell us...
lol
christie

bluwave9 said...

After posting your turn-ons, I sure hope ya got your IM's blocked!  Actually, on second thought, keep em open for a few days; you'd be able to get your book published :)
~Kris

mosie1944 said...

Great answers.  Your journal entries never disappoint.

gdireneoe said...

LOL!  You are hilarious.  I love your style here.  Coupla' things...1. When's the party?and may I attend?  2. Is your fudge the really good hard stuff?or that squishy stuff? May I have the recipe if it is the hard stuff?  3. What is your fee for the "ten things men want " list? ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

judithheartsong said...

oh Dear God... please....... no. I loved your post though.... you crack me up. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
from the neighborhood lesbian (which I am allowed to say because I am in fact a lesbian)  :):):)
judi

yakvette said...

The blonde guy in Sweet Home Alabama - Josh Lucas.   Amen, sistah!   And her fiance from NYC, Patrick Dempsey wasn't too shabby either.  

I have not been tagged yet.  *SOB*

Yak

shermeen0621 said...

(laughs) I like your list and I'm really impressed with the seven things you can do, espically the first one. I'd think that a pretty good party trick.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/shermeen0621/PublicThoughts/

ann7inflorida said...

And this is why I chose you.
#7) "We're F**ked" ....still laughing.
Thanks Mrs. L, you're a good sport.

swibirun said...

Wow....you are pretty talented with the handwriting thing.  The only reason I could think of that someone would perfect two seperate handwriting techniques (besides getting on Oprah, of course) would be to write untraceable bank robbery notes.

So......that being said......got any plans this weekend?  LOL

Chris
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/MyJournalJarSaturdaySixetcanswer

bluwave9 said...

Oops, I forgot that I got tagged also. Here's mine.          http://journals.aol.com/bluwave9/onlyme/

Oh, and Russell Crowe is ALL mine ;-)

cubsandcoffee said...

Oh my.  After reading your description of men, I believe I've broken out in a sweat!

gaboatman said...

Mrs. l
This was a fun read!  I want to be invited to that Wal Mart parking lot party.  Any woman that knows how to make good fudge and hollandaise sauce is okay in my book!  
Sam

cneinhorn said...

great list Mrs. L.  Especially your what makes a man attractive list.  Mine wasn't nearly as creative, F**k the VFW, let's get together in Atlantic City!  :-)

~  www.jerseygirljournal.com