Thursday, October 20, 2005

Ask Mrs Linklater "Naughty Bits" Edition

DISCLAIMER:  Remember Mrs. Linklater is just someone with an opinion. And this one will be like throwing gasoline on a fire.  She can hardly wait for the conflagration.  

Mrs. Linklater wonders if moms who parade around nude in front of their sons and fathers who flash the family jewels at their daughters think they are performing some kind of public service.

Would they do the same to their children's friends?  No. Because it's inappropriate. And, if you want to get technical, illegal.  So what makes it appropriate to do the same thing to their children? Because they're family and can't escape?

Mrs. L can't wait to expose these kinds of parents for the buck naked numbskulls they are.  But first, the advice giver makes a lame attempt to put lipstick on this pig.  

Dear Abby [Jeanne Phillips]
Published October 19, 2005 Chicago Tribune

Dear Abby: My son-in-law insists on walking around naked after his shower. He claims that he must let his hemorrhoids air-dry. This man has four children, three of whom are girls ages 9, 7 and 4. My daughter has done everything from plead to scream to get him to stop this habit, yet he still emerges from the bathroom with the announcement, "Turn your heads, girls, I'm naked!"

What more can my daughter do to get him to understand how potentially dangerous this is?

-- Disgusted in Jameson, Mo.

Dear Disgusted: I discussed your letter with Dr. Stephen Kuchenbecker, a respected colorectal surgeon in Los Angeles. He informs me that while hemorrhoid sufferers are advised not to rub that tender area of the body, they are encouraged to gently "pat" dry or even use a hand-held hair dryer to be sure the hemorrhoids are free of moisture.

It is not appropriate for your son-in-law to parade around in front of the girls. The next time he makes his grand entrance, your daughter and the girls should point at his lower midsection and start laughing. If that proves ineffective, she should buy a long extension cord for her hair dryer, and warn her spouse that if he doesn't dry his hemorrhoids, then she will.

Mrs Linklater is blowing milk through her nose. Here's a dad who ignores the pleas of his wife and daughters to stop putting his private parts on public display -- for whatever reason -- and Abby calls a colorectal surgeon?

Abby, it's pretty clear Dad's an asshead, we don't need a rectal doctor to confirm this. Besides, take away his 'roid excuse and Dad will just come up with another reason to display his donkey kong.    

And that suggestion to have the girls point to it and laugh when he comes out of the bathroom. Are you hallucinating? Now he's got them looking at it thanks to YOU.

What is it about THE GIRLS DON'T LIKE LOOKING AT THEIR FATHER NAKED that you and he don't seem to understand?

Gotta play hardball. Next time he goes into the shower, Mom packs up the kids and they leave. She puts a note on the bathroom door that says they aren't coming back until he stops exposing himself AND gets counseling.

If exhibitionistic parents would consider their behavior a form of sexual abuse instead of defending their right to let it all hang out, children in this country might not need so many drugs to control their anxious behavior.  Family nudity is particularly heinous when the parents are asked to stop and they don't. Have they looked in a mirror lately?

There can be consequences. Good kids can start "acting out," having anger issues, substance abuse problems, boys attacking their mothers, girls exhibiting sexually promiscuous behavior, or one of Mrs. Linklater's personal favorites, four year olds pooping on the living room rug.

That's why the first question to ask is, "Do your kids see you naked?"  Two years old is usually the cut off time, if you'll pardon an expression.

If the answer is no, check out caretakers, clergy, scout leaders, coaches, etc. because somebody's messing with your children.

Well, now, wasn't that fun?  


mosie1944 said...

Jameson?????  I lived there for 9 miserable months of my life!  

sdoscher458 said...

You are definitely smarter than Dear Abby...think she lost it. No adult should parade around in front of children like that. What idiots! My hubby would be planted under the back forty if he had done something like that....Sandi

jckfrstross said...

Smart answer that dad is nuts


suzypwr said...

A mother who fails to protect her children from child abuse by the father is legally as guilty as he is. It's called failure to protect. I can't tell you how many mothers I had to kick in the bum with that little legal tidbit to get them to get their kids out of the house before both parents lost the children. Where is natural selection when we need it?

That response by Dear Abby got to me, too!


screaminremo303 said...

I think you are on target here, but there is a distinction between the type of behavior described in the letter and some of the more permissible cultural environments, other countries, for example. Nudism is not such a big deal across the globe, but there are still lines of propriety that exist.

That dude is a phreak.

lamove04 said...

I saw that letter too and thought the father was seriously disturbed and that the response was lame.  A 9-year-old daugher should not be seeing her father naked, and loudly proclaiming it.  And I didn't need to know anything about his hemorrhoids!

You can only wonder what's going to happen next in that family.  Keep on telling it like it is, Mrs. L.!  --Albert

dbp2000 said...

Excellent entry!  And, why?  Because I agree with everything you said!!!  LOL


onemoretina said...

    "Point at his lower midsection and start laughing" ?  Wouldn't the sick SOB love that !  Obviously, Dr. Rump isn't a shrink.  Didn't anybody ever tell him that negative attention is better than no attention, to someone who's obviously looking to be noticed? Tina

psychfun said...

Yes, one does have to consider culture though I'm not sure this is a tribal family who just migrated here. This is not a republish of the original Dear Abby. Well, she is saying this man is wrong & next to turning him in this might do the trick. God knows men can't take laughter. You also have to be careful on diagnosing this gentleman with "a problem" like we might like to since he has not professionally seen & she can't do this because it would be a lawsuit. Have to remember he is claiming a reason so you have to debunct that so then what...then you go to the next reason, psychological. She also can't totally say as people who write are of course saying their side of a story. You know how it goes, her side, his side & something in the middle is usually the truth. Ask any cop...amazing what extreme opposite stories you hear. Spouses who try to claim things to hurt them & get kids etc. Not trying to defend but just saying hard to know for sure so hard to take a stand. Of course if true then yes there are certain paths to take more than others. I think her immediate idea is great & then to say, "Hey buddy....your excuse doesn't wash! so guess what...."

ally123130585918 said...

I agree totally with your entry - what I can't understand is the wife and mother of his children - Letting him stay there, I'd have packed his bags and chucked him out - anyone with any common sense would know what his game is.....Ally

nuttin2dobutchat said...

I prefer to preserve my children's eyesight.  I don't doubt for one minute that if they saw me or their father nekked, they'd go blind.  

I was once engaged to a man that tried to pull this crap on my daughter (she was 7 at the time) after we moved in with him.  He had spent many a summer growing up with his parents at a nudist colony and was raised to believe that there is no shame in showing it all, as the body is a beautiful creation.  While I agree that (some) human bodies are quite attractive (yes, his was, and I certainly had no problem looking), exposing young boys and girls to this opens doors that they are not emotionally ready to walk through yet.  I tried to explain this to him, but his retort was that I shouldn't focus so much on the sexuality and perversion of it.  HELLOOOO!!!  Trying telling that to a teenager with raging hormones.  Paleese!  Needless to say, this relationship ended quite abrubtly.  He is now having major emotional and discipline problems with his 17-year-old son (whom he did this to his entire life), while my now 13-year-old daughter is still a modest little clone of me - for now, anyway.  8-)

Funny, I noticed that the Dear Abby letter was from a lady in Jameson, MO.  I'd venture to say that she happened on some of my ex-fiance's family, as that is where he is from.  Maybe folks there should refrain from drinking the water.


jevanslink said...


Yes it is.  Cut and pasted from the Chicago Tribune just the way it was printed online.

Mrs. L

mosie1944 said...

I'm still dumbfounded at the "Jameson, Missouri" thing:  That town has a population of 120.  I'll bet a lot of the people who live there are now looking around wondering, "Which one of us is it?"  This ought to be gossip-fodder for months!

sieblonde said...

The guy sounds like one big hemorrhoid.  ~Sie

swmpgrly said...

Thats sick! She needs to get those kids away from that ignorant farter...oops father
wonder what DSS would say about that one.

psychfun said...

You had a 2005 date....need the original date then. This was my point.

jevanslink said...


PSYCHFUN -- What is it about October 19, 2005 that you don't understand?  That is the date that the column appeared.  It isn't a re-work of something from the sixties as your email to me suggested.  

I cut and pasted a link to it above.  Or you can go to GOOGLE and enter Chicago Tribune and find Dear Abby yourself.

By the way, Dear Abby was Jeanne Phillips' mother. Jeanne Phillips was probably in grade school in the sixties. She took over for her mom a couple of years ago.

Mrs. L

swibirun said...

When I read her response in the paper, my thought was that his behavior was nothing that a rubberband gun couldn't cure, LOL.  


bluwave9 said...

Point and laugh?  WTF?  Whenever I read your take on a Dear Abby column it makes a whole helluva lot more sense.  Actually, I think you should start sending them in to the Tribune because this woman is on some serious drugs.


mombzbe said...

The next time he's in the shower, she should invite all the neighbors, so that when he makes his naked grand entrance, well, he'll have an audience.
Put it away--