DISCLAIMER: Remember Mrs. Linklater is just someone with an opinion. And this one will be like throwing gasoline on a fire. She can hardly wait for the conflagration.
Mrs. Linklater wonders if moms who
parade around nude in front of their sons and fathers who flash the
family jewels at their daughters think they are performing some kind of
Would they do the same to their
children's friends? No. Because it's inappropriate. And, if you
want to get technical, illegal. So what makes it appropriate to
do the same thing to their children? Because they're family and can't
Mrs. L can't wait to expose these
kinds of parents for the buck naked numbskulls they are. But
first, the advice giver makes a lame attempt to put lipstick on this
Dear Abby [Jeanne Phillips]
Published October 19, 2005 Chicago Tribune
Dear Abby: My son-in-law insists on
walking around naked after his shower. He claims that he must let his
hemorrhoids air-dry. This man has four children, three of whom are
girls ages 9, 7 and 4. My daughter has done everything from plead to
scream to get him to stop this habit, yet he still emerges from the
bathroom with the announcement, "Turn your heads, girls, I'm naked!"
What more can my daughter do to get him to understand how potentially dangerous this is?
-- Disgusted in Jameson, Mo.
Dear Disgusted: I discussed your
letter with Dr. Stephen Kuchenbecker, a respected colorectal surgeon in
Los Angeles. He informs me that while hemorrhoid sufferers are advised
not to rub that tender area of the body, they are encouraged to gently
"pat" dry or even use a hand-held hair dryer to be sure the hemorrhoids
are free of moisture.
It is not appropriate for your
son-in-law to parade around in front of the girls. The next time he
makes his grand entrance, your daughter and the girls should point at
his lower midsection and start laughing. If that proves ineffective,
she should buy a long extension cord for her hair dryer, and warn her
spouse that if he doesn't dry his hemorrhoids, then she will.
Mrs Linklater is blowing milk
through her nose. Here's a dad who ignores the pleas of his wife and
daughters to stop putting his private parts on public display
-- for whatever reason -- and Abby calls a colorectal surgeon?
Abby, it's pretty clear Dad's an
asshead, we don't need a rectal doctor to confirm this. Besides,
take away his 'roid excuse and Dad will just come up with another
reason to display his donkey kong.
And that suggestion to have the
girls point to it and laugh when he comes out of the bathroom. Are you
hallucinating? Now he's got them looking at it thanks to YOU.
What is it about THE GIRLS DON'T LIKE LOOKING AT THEIR FATHER NAKED that you and he don't seem to understand?
Gotta play hardball. Next
time he goes into the shower, Mom packs up the kids and they leave.
She puts a note on the bathroom door that says they aren't coming
back until he stops exposing himself AND gets counseling.
If exhibitionistic parents would
consider their behavior a form of sexual abuse instead of defending
their right to let it all hang out, children in this country might not
need so many drugs to control their anxious behavior. Family
nudity is particularly heinous when the parents are asked to stop and
they don't. Have they looked in a mirror lately?
There can be consequences. Good
kids can start "acting out," having anger issues, substance abuse
problems, boys attacking their mothers, girls exhibiting sexually
promiscuous behavior, or one of Mrs. Linklater's personal favorites,
four year olds pooping on the living room rug.
That's why the first question to
ask is, "Do your kids see you naked?" Two years old is usually
the cut off time, if you'll pardon an expression.
If the answer is no, check out caretakers, clergy, scout leaders, coaches, etc. because somebody's messing with your children.
Well, now, wasn't that fun?