Harriet Miers' biography describes her as a trailblazer for women, citing the following examples:
In 1972, Ms. Miers became the first
woman hired at Dallas's Locke Purnell Rain Harrell. In March 1996, her
colleagues elected her the first female President of Locke, Purnell,
Rain & Harrell, at that time a firm of about 200 lawyers. She
was the first woman to lead a Texas firm of that size.
In 1985, Ms. Miers was selected as the first woman to become President of the Dallas Bar Association.
In 1992, she became the first woman
elected President of the State Bar of Texas. Ms. Miers served as
the President of the State Bar of Texas from 1992 to 1993.
Now on the eve of the senate
judicial hearings on her nomination by the president for the Supreme
Court, Ms. Miers will no doubt add another first to her resume:
The first woman ever to have her virginity authenticated by a senate committee.
Unfortunately, there is no longer a way to accurately validate virginity in the United States.
Dr. Stanslas Obelsky, head of the
OB-GYN department at Prentice Women's Hospital in Chicago, was
originally charged with leading the team in this difficult task.
Their job became virtually impossible when it was determined that there
are no virgins left in the US for comparison. "There haven't been any
sightings in over twenty years that I know of," Dr. Obelsky sighed in
"Except for a few guys."
So in a decision that may have as
yet unknown repercussions, Ms. Miers will fly to London to visit the
Royal Gynecologist, Malcolm Leedsworth, whose entire career has been
spent authenticating the virginity of the hundreds of young women who
had notions of marrying a king.
"You Yanks wouldn't know a virgin
if she bit you on the butt," he chortled like a typical Brit, laughing
at his own ribald humor and wondering why his comedy was met with blank
Ms. Miers could not be reached for comment.
Meanwhile, Ted Kennedy has been put in charge of refreshments for the
first day of hearings. "I'm thinking chips, dips, cookies, a couple of
cakes and a case of Diet Coke. What do the rest of you want?"