Monday, May 22, 2006

Young Whippersnapper

My back hurt a lot today. I went to my health club to enjoy the whirlpool and a long hot shower, followed by a half an hour in front of the mirror doing my hair and make up, even though I had no place to go. I finished up around thirty minutes before closing. Besides me, there were no more than four other women in the entire locker room.

There are nine or ten showers. One of them is larger with a portable spray and a built in bench to sit on with a railing to hang on to. Actually all the showers have a railing and there are seats outside all of them that you can move into the showers to sit on.

All of a sudden I could hear a woman's voice berating the person using the big shower. "That's the handicapped shower. What are you doing in there?"  

Keep in mind there is virtually no one in the club. Another woman came up to me and told me to listen to the self appointed shower police. You could hear the schoolmarm voice. She was on a roll, bitching and moaning, complete with "You're not handicapped!" And "How dare you" and "Shame on you."  Nothing like a having a stranger scold you for breaking a rule you don't know exists, while you're standing there naked and wet.

I know women who use the "handicapped" shower when they don't want to get their hair wet. Or take off their mascara. Or they had surgery on their faces and don't want to get water on it.  Who the heck cares why anybody uses that shower?  Especially when there's no one else in the club. In particular, no one who is handicapped.

So this wicked witch is prattling on and on. Long enough for the person she's lecturing to finish her shower. Clearly the woman being lectured wasn't paying a lot of attention to the lecture.

Next thing I know the shower police matron is asking me something about leaving all my stuff in one of the showers, which I hadn't. I ignored her question and asked her another question.

Who gives a shit what shower anybody uses?  The club's almost closed. And there's almost no one here.

Well, that's the handicapped shower. She shouldn't be using it.

How do you know that's the handicapped shower?  Is there a sign?

No. But that's the handicapped shower. It's bigger than the other ones.

How do you know that isn't a shower for fat people? Fat people need more room.

It's for handicapped people.

You're sure of that?

Yes I am.

And you're saying there's a rule that says you have to be handicapped to use that shower?


Just exactly where is the rule posted that says you have to be handicapped to use that shower?

Well, you do.

Well, maybe you don't. Are you handicapped?


So you aren't handicapped. You're just an asshole.

You're too young, you don't understand.

I'm 62.

She was 58, which shut her up. But that wasn't even the point.


gaboatman said...

Mrs. L
Good for you!  

screaminremo303 said...

Excuse me while I ponder the spectacle of a half-dozen post-menopausal naked women arguing about fat people, an oversized shower stall, and the likelihood of Mrs. L introducing the offender to the principles of drag coefficient vs. a wet human carcass.


And I thought guys were weird because we like to pee on each other in the shower.

dafyddhevans said...

That was a *very* satisfying story.  Thank you.

onemoretina said...

I suppose there's a Barney Fife in every crowd.  At least Barney was funny, if unintentionally.  This gal sounds just plain obnoxious.   Tina

jayveeconcerto said...

Mrs. L.- - just tell me where that club is, because I'm gonna show up and use the handicapped (fat person??) shower just for spite. The old shower policewoman will REALLY have something to bitch about when she discovers a buck nekkid faux cowboy in the handicapped shower. I just might bring my guitar in case I have to serenade her......        Jon

psychfun said...

HA! Remo is too funny & so are you...but man that is the end? I thought it would have turned into a scene from Dynasty with Joan Collins & Linda Evans in a wet brawl! HA!

I would have told her not to worry the Mentally Handicapped shower is right next to the physical handicapped one so she should be fine!

swibirun said...

So if there WAS a rule about the shower for individuals with disabilities (see, shower cop woman was being disrespectful and biased too) and you had to have one of those handicapped placards like the ones that hang from a rearview mirror........where would I place it?  ha ha ha ha whew.....sorry, funny visuals in my head right now.