Monday, February 2, 2009

Catching Up

In between mopping up and waiting around for the electric guy and any number of other people, I've been trying to schedule some hip surgery. This usually means appointments with docs of various sorts, one of whom was a back doc because one of the hip docs was concerned that my back would not survive the hip surgery.

So the hip doc sends me to a back doc with an MRI order. The back doc has a name that sounds like a pharmacist. A name as free from sex appeal as, say, Mortimer Snerd. Someone who sounds over fifty. Someone comfortable in black socks and bermuda shorts.

Only the guy who walks into the examining room isn't a nerdly Snerd type, it's Hugh Jackson. He shook my hand and wondered why I was laughing. Actually, I was just smiling out loud. Private joke I told him. My experience with docs, especially the young ones, is that they don't examine women over a certain age. Unless you're at death's door, they don't touch you at all. Too much like poking around their moms, I think. EWWWW. They shake your hand and you show them where the pain is and they comment, without having to touch anything. In the five minutes we spent together [me being 65 and on Medicare] he said there was no need for an MRI -- that we all have stenosis and ratty disks as we age. He could tell as much from my plain ol' x-rays. So I should just get on with the surgery and we'll sort things out later. In other words, if my back suffers neurological damage from the surgery, he'll fix it. Well, thanks, doc.

To prove to me that I had nothing to worry about, he asked me to lift my left leg and hold it straight. I performed the task well. So he asked me to put my left leg down and do the same thing with my right leg. I passed that test too. Then he said to hold both my legs out straight while twisting and turning my ankles. No reflex tests or searching for numbness. All done.

And people wonder why I keep putting off hip surgery.

9 comments:

Remo said...

When did the "put your legs over my shoulders" test begin?

Fookin doctors.

Jon said...

I don't trust doctors who are younger than me and it's getting more & more difficult to find doctors who are older than me. Were you fully dressed when he performed the leg tests?
Good luck with the hip surgery (my uncle had successful hip surgery when he was 86 - so I guess there's hope for all of us.....)

Chris said...

Field sobriety test again, Mrs. L?

Good luck on your surgery. The Kyoshi at our martial arts school had his replaced 2 years ago and he is back to full karate and jiu jitsu training. I'm sure you'll be back to kicking ass and taking names in no time:)

Anne said...

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that you're going to have surgery for your hip. I'm sure all will go well, but I know it has to be stressful. Anne

Chelle said...

ya do the hokey pokey and turn yerself around....

Mrs. L said...

Was I dressed? Hell, yes. Covered head to toe in lined Adidas warm up pants, a turtleneck under a polar fleece top. And heavy Woolrich socks. Only my eyes were showing. [For which the doc was no doubt eternally grateful.]

Donna said...

I've decided to delay knee replacement until I get to the point I can't walk. Minor knee surgery, yes. Replacement, no.

emmapeelDallas said...

For what it's worth (maybe not much), many of the psychiatry fellows with whom I worked didn't want to touch our pediatric patients at all. All they had to do was a sort of rudimentary physical exam; the kids weren't undressed, but the docs were to listen to their chests, check reflexes, etc., while I stood there as a witness. I can't tell you how many times I had to say to various fellows (not in front of the patients, of course), "Yes, this means you actually have to TOUCH them!" Sheesh.

Hope the hip surgery goes well.

Des's big daddy said...

I'm 41 and just found out that I need a knee replacement. I would have sworn it was April 1.

My mother kept putting off hip surgery until she almost had to crawl into the operating room. First thing she said when she took her first step the next day was that she wished she had done in three years ago.