Dear Diary

Action photo of socks 

It's 12 degrees with minus something windchill. WTF? Oh wait, I forgot. I live in Chicago in January. How stupid is that? You people in Arizona can just shut it. After going out on Saturday because I mistook the sun shining for warmth, I decided to stay indoors the rest of the weekend. I even got an outdoor thermometer so I never have to leave home until there's REAL proof of climate change.
     Naturally, I could have done any number of worthwhile things while confined indoors. I could have written thank you notes, okay, thank you emails. I could have sorted socks [really, there's a pile here]. I could have painted the living room, slept during football, picked at my face, or even done my roots. Instead, I curled up in bed and watched Arrested Development on my computer. I got through seasons one and two, and all but episodes 8-13 of season three, lying on my back with Jason Batemen on top of me.
     I also watched The International [Clive Owen playing the same character he always plays], Sunshine Cleaning [charming little flick], The Ugly Truth [good actors, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad screenplay], Star Trek [loved it] and Rocky Balboa [not as bad as I thought it would be].
     For exercise, I baked a two pound Boar's Head ham slathered with a bottle of even sweeter Boar's Head glaze and gnoshed on slices of it all weekend. Slice a piece, spread with glaze and microwave for 45 seconds. Once I just skipped the ham and ate the glaze. With buttered green beans and toasted almonds on the side.  I made the same meal at least five times.
     For some reason I decided to make s'mores for dessert. Okay, I had an itch. A craving. A need for crunchy, sweet, chocolate, marshmallow-y crap. But I didn't make the regular s'mores, because you need a campfire for that. Marshmallows over a stove flame aren't the same.
     I made a recipe that calls for an entire box of cinnamon graham cereal with a bag of melted chocolate chips, a load of butter, and in case it wasn't going to be sweet enough, half a bottle of Karo syrup. Add a teaspoon of vanilla and three cups of mini marshmallows. Mix it all together, which, I might add, is like trying to stir drying cement, then spread it on your face and body until it hardens. I managed to finish two gooey servings of the stuff before the sugar rush knocked me on my butt.
     The birds are going to get most of it.
     Now it's Monday, time to work. Eventually.