Wednesday, June 23, 2010

OMG -- Another JOB IN JEOPARDY

Who knew that so many people could be so determined to put their [turn up the echo and reverb] J-O-B-S IN J-E-O-P-A-R-D-Y!!!
          To review, we here at the corporate offices of MLGTTU, as a public service to all two of our readers, are happy to announce that the end of the WORKING world is near for some high profile, mostly overpaid people who have screwed up on the job. Their jobs are so over that you can hear people in the unemployment line whispering, "So long sucka!" In fact, I believe if you look carefully, you can see their jobs standing on the edge of a cliff trying to keep from getting pushed into the bottomless sinkhole that used to be called their career. 
          Before we get to today's JIJ nominee, let us bid farewell to former nominees BP CEO Tony Hayward and World Cup soccer Referee Koman Coulibahy. 
          Recently Hayward has been relieved of his "day to day" responsibilities. Let's see, what does "day to day" mean exactly? From Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday to Thursday to Friday. . . Sounds like they fired his ass. They just haven't removed the body. 
          Now Coulibahy has been dropped from the World Cup, since he made the phantom foul call against the US that disallowed our perfectly executed winning goal against Slovenia. At first it looked like the FIFA peeps weren't going to do anything to punish Coulibahy, but thanks to the full force and might of our great country, the incessant hum of instant replay, and six or seven nuclear powered ICBMs we still have hunkering down in those Nebraska silos, the matter has finally been taken care of.
Our Commander in Chief with Today's Jobs In Jeopardy Nominee 
General Stanley McChrystal, whose face says it all!
          So, it is with great fanfare that we announce today's JOB IN JEOPARDY.  This one is way up on the food chain. None other than General Stanley McChrystal, the commander of the US forces in Afghanistan. Back when Truman was president and General MacArthur began to think he was running the world, the commander-in-chief made a ballsy and unpopular decision to send the heroic WWII general packing. It probably wasn't necessary, except to make one very important point -- don't piss off your boss if he's running the country. Even if you have hundreds of thousands of armed and dangerous men who would follow you anywhere. 
          So after General McChrystal and his aides dissed the president -- to the joy of the reporter taking down every word they said for a Rolling Stone article -- he got ordered to get his butt back here on the double. Now he's about to prostrate himself on the carpet -- the one in the Oval Office -- and start 'splaining himself. 
          I think the problem is best described by Democratic Senator Jim Webb of Virginia who said:
          "I think whether or not he should resign is up to the President, but I think he's had three bites out of the apple here. One was with the situation [ALLEGED COVER UP] with Pat Tillman, he was in the middle of that. I mentioned that during his confirmation hearing. The second was when he gave an interview with '60 Minutes' while this policy was being formulated. The third was when he was giving a speech in London at the same time as other people were in the White House trying to figure out where to go on the policy. So I think it's a pretty serious matter, but it's up to the President."
          So General McChyrstal is our latest nominee on the ever growling list of JOBS IN JEOPARDY.  While the powers that be here at MLGTTU don't want to influence anybody's vote, FIRE HIM, we think the Rolling Stone article FIRE HIM, may be the final nail in his coffin. F-I-R-E H-I-M already. It's time to consider flushing the general's career FIRE HIM down the toilet. But we just report the news; we don't make it.
          Meanwhile, keep those cards and letters coming!

3 comments:

Des's big daddy said...

You're really going to put a squeeze on unemployment offices.

May I nominate ALL World Cup referees, in light of another ridiculous call taking a goal away from the US just a few minutes ago?

Mrs. L said...

Don't look now, but the US won with a nano second to spare. And tell General McStupid not to let the door hit him the ass on his way out.

Remo said...

I think Obama is secretly replacing the Folger's McChrystals with a Greek blend formerly sold at the Bush cafe. Will our guests be able to tell the difference?
I'm not much of a Mc fan after the Tillman fiasco.

It could have been worse. He could have ripped his employer in his blog and been threatened with a punch in the face. I hear that happens sometimes.