Sunday, June 6, 2010

You're Fired!!!! Okay, Maybe Not This Minute, But Your Career Is Definitely Over

Today, we at the corporate offices of MLGTTU would like to introduce a new feature to our worldwide audience -- Jobs in Jeopardy. 
 JIJ doesn't have anything to do with the number of jobs leaving the US for China and Mexico or small countries whose names have been changed so Americans can't find them.  
          Au contraire, Jobs in Jeopardy is about individuals in the news who have managed, by public incompetence, to point the fickle finger of fate at themselves in such a way that termination cannot be denied. It may be delayed. But their careers, for all intents and purposes, have been rendered unto toast. The only question lingering as we lick our collective lips is, "OH GOODY, WHEN?"
          [While Mrs. Linklater does not want to appear to condone gambling, she'd consider a side bet or two on how soon these bozos will be unemployed. Purely for entertainment purposes, of course.]
          Our first of two JIJ nominees to walk the public plank of self immolation has already become a dead bug on the windshield of worldwide disasters. As CEO of ButtPlug, Tony ["Bangs"] Hayward bagged and tagged himself on Day One of the incomprehensible Horizon well catastrophe when he opened his mouth. Here's one of his quotes:
          The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.
               Here's another, spoken as the leak continued mewling and puking its effluence into the Gulf:
               I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to have been very, very modest.
Even better, according to Huff Post, is the biggest elephant in the room where Hayward keeps his resume -- BP's shares have plunged almost 40 percent since the April 20 rig explosion, erasing nearly $70 billion in market value, and, oh by the way, killing eleven people. 
          Hasta la bye bye, you wanker.
Another Job in Jeopardy, albeit on a smaller scale, is the recent fucked up call at first base by Jim Joyce, the umpire who reduced pitcher Armando Galarraga's perfect game to an asterisk. 
          Ninth inning. Galarraga's no-no is still in place. Tigers centerfielder, Austin Jackson, makes a Willie Mays catch -- over the shoulder, running hell bent for the wall -- to get the first out. That should have been the play of the game. Out number two is routine. Short stop to first. 
          And then Jim Joyce puts his Job in Jeopardy and makes a career ending mistake. Another routine grounder, this one to second. Galarraga covers first. Foot on the bag. Gets the throw. Makes the catch. And for a nano second starts to celebrate. Only Jim Joyce calls the runner safe. Shock. Stunned looks. WTF? Then the replay firmly establishes that the runner was indeed, out. Not even a tough call. A play no MLB umpire should miss. Especially when he's on the field, ten feet from the action. 
          Mrs. Linklater watched the travesty on YouTube. Having played softball and refereed men's volleyball, she immediately noticed the telltale signs of something else. Jim Joyce didn't blow the call. Despite his fine acting, which included wiping away [supposed] tears and any number of mea culpas afterward in an attempt to salvage his career, it wasn't like the sun got in his eyes or a bee suddenly bit him on the ass. 
          This was an umpire who made a conscious decision. An umpire who saw Galarraga make his micro move to celebrate and decided that NOBODY was going to tell him how to make the call. He would have gotten away with it in the good old days. Only now with replay, what should have been a routine out has become an egregious screw up. And one more control freak ump has been outed. 
          His Job in Jeopardy, Joyce went into PR mode. With no place to hide, he said "I'm sorry" more times than Bill Clinton to Hillary. For one internet sports writer that was enough to rate this headline: We Need More Jim Joyces In The World. Why? Just because he had to own up to his mistake [thanks to the evidence], the ump went from goat to role model. Does anyone really think he would have done the same thing without video? 
           Here at corporate offices of MLGTTU, we know the handwriting is on the wall for both these nimcompoops. Any wagers on how long BP's board of directors will let the value of their company keep sliding into the Gulf? Or how much time Mr. Role Model will continue working in the majors? [We smell park district softball in Jim Joyce's future.]  
           That's it for the inaugural issue of Jobs in Jeopardy. Anybody you know whose job should be in jeopardy? Let us here at MLGTTU be the first to start the countdown. 


Ann said...

1. Amazing coincidence that Goldman Sachs dropped 40% of their BP stock, when, in January? They have to be the luckiest brokerage firm in the history of the world.

2. There are some really depressed and angry people here in Detroit... trying to lay low and not get into it.

3. Remo's single? Damn, 2000 miles away. Just my luck...

Jayne Martin said...

If Obama doesn't start seriously kicking some corporate ass sometime soon, his job may be in jeopardy.

Dropping by on our mutual friend Annie's recommendation. I'll be back.

Des's big daddy said...

I think more people will remember Galarraga's effort than the other two actual perfect games thrown this year.

Instead of firing Joyce (who even in light of blowing the call was recently voted the best umpire in the game by the players)-who admittedly made a horrid call-can we fire Bud Selig instead? It would have been soooo easy for him to overrule the call and give the kid his perfect game. He's made a jillion decisions since he became baseball commissioner, every single one of the WRONG.