Monday, May 10, 2004

No calorie chocolate and marshmallow dip

Answer:  Only if it has no taste.  Question:  Is there such a thing as no calorie chocolate?

Mrs. Linklater clicked her heels today at the grocery store. She almost yelled, "Yahoo!!"  No, not the internet yahoo. The original one.

There, on the shelf, was a jar of calorie free Chocolate Dip. And right next to it was a jar of calorie free Marshmallow Dip.  Ohboyohboyohboyohboy!!!!

The side of both labels said "Fat Free, Sugar Free, Calorie Free, Cholesterol Free, Carbohydrate Free and Guaranteed Delicious! [Italics Mrs. Linklater's].  She bought them both. Five bucks apiece.  Not cheap.

Mrs. Linklater was about to land in pig out heaven. Thoughts of everything she could dip in the dips danced in her head. Maraschino cherries. Marshmallows. Pound cake. Car parts.

Now, if only the dips actually taste good.  Of course they will.  It says "guaranteed delicious" right on the side doesn't it?  Mrs. Linklater is so pathetic.

She crossed her fingers and toes in hope. Making it hard to open the jars. So she uncrossed them.

Mrs. Linklater is also -- apparently -- a cockeyed optimist. Even though she has never liked the taste of anything sugar free. Or fat free. [And never seems to learn.] But somehow, for some reason, this time felt -- different.

Well, she just opened them for a taste.  First the marshmallow. Now, even as she writes in this journal she is tasting the chocolate.

EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTUI!!!

The taste gives new meaning to gag me with a spoon!!!

The marshmallow tastes like reconstituted powdered egg whites. But there are no egg whites in it. Not that they would have helped any.

The chocolate just tastes awful even though cocoa is listed as an ingredient.

The first thing listed in both of them is tripled filtered water. Environmentally PC, but lacking a certain je ne sais quoi.  Such as -- TASTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, she knew this would happen.  She just hoped it wouldn't. Ten dollars totally down the drain.

She notices there's a web site on the side of the jars. for more calorie free specialties. 

This stuff comes from a FARM?!!!

Maybe they have a contact button so Mrs. Linklater can whine about this terribleexperience.


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