Sunday, April 17, 2005

The Anti-Editors' Pick Journal

When Mrs. Linklater first started her journal over a year ago she couldn't wait to check her counter each day -- heck almost every hour during the day.  We all do it.

She was checking it as regularly as a baby poops.

Within a few weeks of joining the J-Land community, she was approached for a picture in case the editors wanted to include her in their weekly Top Five. So she began wishin and hopin to become an Editors' Pick.

She soon began to realize they romance almost every newbie. Once in a while an entry of hers was featured at AOL Music, or more frightening -- on the People Connection main page.

Unfortunately that was good news and bad news.  Good news for her counter because there would be literally hundreds of people stopping by for a few minutes.  Bad news for her, because every time she was featured, a spate of IM's would appear that never failed to start out, "Hiya Sexy."  Was being an Editors' Pick going to subject her to similar assaults?

Then something else happened.  One day her counter went kablooey and restarted itself many times. From zero. A devastating event, most journalers will agree.

Meanwhile, in a scenario which has repeated itself many times since, Mrs. Linklater couldn't get answers from anyone about what was going on.

She soon fell out of love with the system in place here, which, except for John Scalzi, is run by people who don't seem to care and never seem to listen. And if they listen they don't seem to believe you. Or understand what you said.

So she stopped trying to figure out how to suck up to the editors to become a weekly pick.  Coincidentally [she thinks not] Mrs. Linklater even got a bizarre TOS violation based on uploading something evil to a stranger from her FTP counter space that was allegedly racist, sexist, or porn -- not only something she wouldn't do, but one that she couldn't do -- since it requires a skill she has yet to master. Even better, defending herself against the TOS accusation became a situation in which she was assumed guilty and had to prove her innocence.

Interesting that her counter went kablooey almost at the same time there was a TOS violation that occurred via her counter.

On a side note, she was also told -- by someone who spoke English as her primary means of verbal communication -- that she had to be careful how she used the word "LESBIAN" since she wasn't one herself and only REAL lesbians could use the word without running the risk of another TOS violation. WTF?

So she took her counter down.  And, truth be told, she hasn't missed it.

It was at that point that she decided she would go out of her way not to be featured on the Top Five. Whatever it took. Sexual innuendo. Swear words. Not having a theme. Not giving a rip. So far she has been quite successful.

Which doesn't mean she wants anybody else to join her in her quest for failure. Many of her favorite journals have had their day in the sun, as it were -- in fact many of the journals listed in her OTHER JOURNALS space have already been featured. After she had decided they were good, it should be noted.

But, and this is more important, there are several journals over there which, like hers, will probably never be featured. So, she'd like to take a moment to feature one or two that will never make the TOP FIVE.  Well, she doesn't think they have so far, at least. And that's a good thing.

Each one of these journals has met the high standards required to be passed over by the Editors on a weekly basis. They're entertaining. They're funny. The writing is great. But, they scare the poop out of the Editors.

Dating Tips for Psychopaths is one of the most entertaining journals Mrs. L reads. It's listed near the bottom of her Other Journals, but it's right at the top of her short list of funny reads. And she defies the Editors' to come up with a cubby hole to stuff him in. Pg-13 at its tamest and gloriously R a lot of the time, Psychopaths won't be seen on the weekly Top Five list anytime soon. Another good thing.

And he'll kill her for mentioning him, she's sure, but our resident security chief, Screamin Remo, writes brilliant, scary funny stuff, sure to make you wet your pants, but even more important, make you think. His take on everything is so scorching that Mrs. L just knows he terrifies the Editors.  That is SUCH a good thing.

Yakvette of Do I Amuse You makes Mrs. Linklater spit milk out her nose.  Yak can do that to ya.  She can take a trip to the ATM machine a snot blowing side splitting laff riot. She also refers to her huge rack and gigunda hooters with such regularity that the Editors wouldn't think of including her in their weekly picks unless the theme is Titillating Topics.

Mrs. L wanted to mention Albert of Albert's World of Artsy Fun, but J-Land's Gaymeister managed to become mainstream long enough to get featured -- okay Albert, you can be more sexually explicit again.  No, really.

Any great journals you want to have Mrs. Linklater include in her Anti-Editors' Pick list?


mosie1944 said...

I love this entry!

screaminremo303 said...

Thanks for the anti-pimp. Now I'm off to don my Huggy Bear platform shoes and clean my Glock.

I was Starsky before there was a Hutch.

suzypwr said...

We do have some great writers in the community, don't we?

kristeenaelise said...

I've got one  - pardon the fact that she's one of my best friends...her writing is brilliant and her entries are hilarious.  I've had many a spit take reading her journal.  She'll probably never be featured because of the cuss word thing, so this is a good a place as any:

what a great idea!  I was also a victim of the Journal Top5 Tease, so I'm all for the Anti-Journal list.
=) kris

jevanslink said...


robbush6 said...

When the Journal Editor pops up on my Buddy List, I feel so cheap and used. Disjointed rambling works for me. So does the nice privacy hedge I've installed. Oh, and they won't soon forget the mockery I made of their fake Santa. I'm out.

mombzbe said...

Hiya Sexy!  :p
Those editors are teases.  It's better to forget about their siren song and dance, and just do your thing.  
"It was at that point that she decided she would go out of her way not to be featured on the Top Five."  Once again, I get words of wisdom from Mrs L, with a side of giggle.  Thankfully, she doesn't need to be a Editors' Pick for me to get it! ~~
:) Anna

floralilia said...

Hi Mrs. L -

Sorry to hear of your troubles recently - Your light is dimmed nonetheless..

You know the Queen of Flimflammery here placed herself on the Anti-editors black list way, way, back when - and they've been happy to oblige...

It's a dirty business - big brothering - but Kudos to Aol on not only doing it - but getting us to pay for it voluntarily...

ah well,  we must rage, rage, - against the dying of the light - even still I guess.

judithheartsong said...

the whole lesbian thing just cracked me up all that time ago.......... we would be glad to make you an honorary lesbian........ :):) judi

jevanslink said...

Nothing would make me happier.  I accept your offer.  Mrs. L

kissofvanity said...

Oh, cool Judi!  :)

Ana  ((0.~))