Monday, November 7, 2005

Patrick's Saturday Six Monday Night Edition

Well, the Vivis are starting to be old news by now. It's time to announce the winner of the VULVIs. Remember them?

The purpose of the VULVIs, besides walking a very thin line between tastefulness and trashiness, is to acknowledge the people who CONSISTENTLY make the funniest comments in your journal. So funny, that they render the entry you wrote useless. Why did you even bother?

To refresh your memory, the four nominees are Screaminremo303, Robbush6, Belfastcowboy75 and Bosoxblue6993w. There are a couple of other write-in nominations which I will track down and throw into the pile. Give me awhile to do the links. I can't do them from here. I have to change browsers.

Here's the dilemma. How are we going to choose a winner from among this auspicious group? The VIVIs had a boatload of volunteers, fancy voting software, and a chat room to announce the winners.

Not the VULVIs. We're on a budget. We've got an empty fridge and some stale crackers. Personally, I think Mrs. Linklater should put the nominees' names in a hat and pick the winner that way. It's fast. It's easy. And the result will no doubt be just as shocking as some of the VIVI award winners.

Glad you like that idea. Mrs. Linklater and I will do the selection this evening. Wait a minute, I AM Mrs. Linklater. Well, one of us will handle the voting for sure. Then, we'll announce the winner TOMORROW.

Meanwhile, here are the answers you're dying to read.

1. What is the last big "gift" you bought for yourself...either for your birthday, Christmas, or any other holiday?

That little TV I wrote about. It was close to my birthday. Big Whoop.

2. Of the official Vivi Award Categories, if you had to nix one of them, which would you choose?

I'm with skelligrants on this one -- who needs a most missed journal category. If you don't write, I don't miss you.  I just get annoyed. Maybe that's another new category. Most annoying. I wouldn't tie for that one. Remo would win it outright.

3. Which category would you add that isn't on the list this year?

Most gratuitous use of sexual innuendo. Not to be confused with glorious use of innuendo. How about best recipes instead?

4. Take this quiz:  Which soap opera does your life most resemble?

The last time I watched the soaps I was nursing my babies and there wasn't anything else on TV. This was deep into the last century, before cable and TIVO. 

Oh, I forgot -- my life resembles The Young and the Restless.

5. Have you ever heard a song and thought, "Whoever wrote that must know me?"  If so, what song was it, and do you still feel that way?


Haaaaaaaaa. Those lyrics have my name all over them.

6. If your birthday had to fall on a holiday each year, which holiday would you choose and why?  (For this question, assume that holidays like "Thanksgiving," which fall on a different date each year, would fall on the same date to accommodate the question.)

I was born the day before Halloween. I've celebrated my birthday on Halloween so many times that even my dad thought my birthday was on Halloween. 

Have I ever sung my Halloween carols for you?  Be ever so thankful.


nikg2005 said...

I was born the day before Halloween. I've celebrated my birthday on Halloween so many times that even my dad thought my birthday was on Halloween.  

Have I ever sung my Halloween carols for you?  Be ever so thankful.

I have 2 daughters.  One's birthday is the day before Halloween, the other's IS on Halloween.  I'd LOVE Halloween carols ;)

swibirun said...

But what happens if you pull out two names and they stick together?


robbush6 said...

How about this: Mrs. Linklater holds the hat while her evil twin pulls out the names of the finalists, written carefully with that processed cheese in a can on those stale crackers? Voting software? What the hell? We don't need no stinkin' software.

I nursed my babies before the advent of TiVO and DVD players, but I had cable and indoor plumbing.

Answer me this: Why are we friends?

stephaine35 said...

The funniest acceptance speech wins.

You've left some pretty funny comments in jland yourself.  Here's a link if you want to take a peek.

belfastcowboy75 said...

No fair. Robin already has a vulvi. She's proven it four times.

bosoxblue6993w said...

since you're ripping off my idea, monkey-girl ... how about THE CHROMOS ... the very worst in J-Land?   MOST TASTELESS, LEAST INSPIRATIONAL, MOST POORLY WEITTEN, BAG LADY OF THE BLOG, THE J-LAND DUMPSTER DIVER OF THE YEAR

onmiownnow2 said...

OMG!!  Between you and the comments you get... let me just say that it's a good thing I wear panti-liners!  Not to be confused with the one-liners I wished I thought of.  Or eye liner which would be running by now.  Or shelf liner which I can assure you I have never, ever used.  I'm lying.  I think I did once.  I better stop now.  I feel a confession coming on...  I'd love to be considered for a Vulvi though.  Two would be better as I think having only one would make me handicapped.  Of course that would make finding a parking space while Christmas shopping a lot easier.  Being able to say that I had my own Vulvi would make my personals ad on Yahoo a lot more interesting.  So please... I know I don't know you very well, but could you please let me have one of your Vulvi?  Thank you!  Huggs, Lisa

bluwave9 said...

Can I steal Bosox's suggestion before you do? The Chromos- I LIKE it.


screaminremo303 said...

Somehow the image of driving your fist into an oversized orifice and and snatching the winner's VULVI reminds me of why I started my second journal.


Let me know how things turn out. I'll be writing my next award-winning entry, titled "How I match my socks." It's all the rage.

jevanslink said...

I was worried that I would have to provide some examples of the nominees' talent to prove them worthy of consideration for a VULVI.  But I see that they've already tagged the walls of this place with their spray paint. They make my job SOOO easy.
Get the hat.  Mrs. L  

shaz19743 said...

Ladies and gentlemen (looks around dubiously )
We are gathered here in these auspicious surroundings (Is that flock wallpaper ?)
To celebrate those deserving of the title that is being called a VULVI veteran .
Before the nominees let rip with thier verbal diarrhea diatribes for your consideration id like to take a second to thank the Geriatric Gynecological society of Glasgow for sponsering this event and offering to provide any aftercare needed for the award winners and thier VULVIS should it be needed .
Without furher ado i give you THE VULVIS may the best blarney win !

bosoxblue6993w said...


gdireneoe said...

Remo's got one award...this one's yours. ;)  C.