Sunday, June 25, 2006

Reptile Dysfunction

Dr. Drew Pinsky is a sex and love therapist who hosts an advice show on The Discovery Channel.  Not that I watch it, no, really I don't.  That's like watching Martha Stewart when you're living on fermented mare's milk in the Mongolian desert.  What's the point?

For some reason Dr. Drew has been doing a commercial for one of the YOU CAN GET IT UP AND KEEP IT UP drugs where he mentions E.D. -- erectile dysfuctnion -- a minimum of 352 times.  Except that when Dr. Drew says the word E-rectile it comes out REP-tile for some reason. That's why I don't know which drug he is shilling for, because I was so fascinated by the sound, followed closely by the concept, of REPTILE dysfunction, that I couldn't wait for him to say it again. 

Reptile dysfunction. I wonder if this is something that only happens to reptiles over sixty-five. Or it's something that happens to almost half of the reptile population over forty. Does it affect their self esteem when it dysfuncts? Or interfere with normal reptile activity with a partner?  And does that partner have to be a reptile for the dysfunction to count?

Of course Dr. Drew's commercial has nothing on the impact, if you will, of the half hour informercial that has been running ad nauseum for The one that starts out by saying -- no -- EXCLAIMING!!! that you can feel as alive as you did in your twenties, but first you have to get your colon unclogged.

Yep, you can lose as much as fifteen pounds just by getting rid of that compacted fecal matter you've been carrying around. Look, if they can say those words on TV, I can say it here.

I don't know about you, but between chipping away at the uh, stuff that's clogging our colons versus repairing  those unfortunate reptile dysfunctions, I'm more comfortable taking my chances with the reptiles.


ladeeoftheworld said...

I love  

It's a common misconception that reptile dysfunction only happens to lizards over 65.  One too many beers on a Friday night,  dinner was way too extravagant,  worn out from a day on the lake.......many factors play into this equation, even with the younger lizard.  Just ask Mrs Iguana.

sunnyside46 said...

that is why alligators almost became extinct. they had reptile erectile dysfunction. or RED...they are green and they had RED...that's why they are so grouchy. Well, they were protected because they were endangered, so apparantly they were able to relax enough to become romantic againTheir numbers increased to the point where they started eating people's suburban poodles. Now in LA (lowerAlabama)there is a lottery to win the privilege of shooting one...  I dont' know which is scarier, gators or people who want to shoot them!

swibirun said...

I wonder if the reptile dysfunction pill allows the offending member to change colors too?

Alexis has the hots for Dr. Drew (ok....she says he's cute, same difference) and I thought she liked the big dumb burly type, like me.......(HAHA)


artloner said...

Floppy peckers and clogged up butts.


Love ya, mean it.

A  ;)

screaminremo303 said...

No one wants a limp lizard. As for the colon cleansing, I prefer to stick with a nice plate of rancid kung pao.

mombzbe said...

Reptile dysfunction sounds like something my brother's iguana used to have.  So THAT'S why the eggs never hatched...

ber144 said...

Reptile dysfunction, of course.  Now I know what Rush was doing with all those little blue pills.