Dr. Drew Pinsky is a sex and love therapist who hosts an advice show on The Discovery Channel. Not that I watch it, no, really I don't. That's like watching Martha Stewart when you're living on fermented mare's milk in the Mongolian desert. What's the point?
For some reason Dr. Drew has been
doing a commercial for one of the YOU CAN GET IT UP AND KEEP IT UP
drugs where he mentions E.D. -- erectile dysfuctnion -- a minimum of
352 times. Except that when Dr. Drew says the word E-rectile it
comes out REP-tile for some reason. That's why I don't know which drug
he is shilling for, because I was so fascinated by the sound, followed
closely by the concept, of REPTILE dysfunction, that I couldn't wait
for him to say it again.
Reptile dysfunction. I wonder if
this is something that only happens to reptiles over sixty-five. Or
it's something that happens to almost half of the reptile population
over forty. Does it affect their self esteem when it dysfuncts? Or
interfere with normal reptile activity with a partner? And does
that partner have to be a reptile for the dysfunction to count?
Of course Dr. Drew's commercial has nothing on the impact, if you will,
of the half hour informercial that has been running ad nauseum for
DUALACTIONCLEANSE.com. The one that starts out by saying -- no --
EXCLAIMING!!! that you can feel as alive as you did in your twenties,
first you have to get your colon unclogged.
Yep, you can lose as much as fifteen pounds just by getting rid of that
compacted fecal matter you've been carrying around. Look, if they can
say those words on TV, I can say it here.
I don't know about you, but between chipping away at the uh, stuff
that's clogging our colons versus repairing those unfortunate
reptile dysfunctions, I'm more comfortable taking my chances with the