Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Red and The Black

So far three of the eight teams who have won championships in the Illinois prep football playoffs wear red or black uniforms. Mrs. Linklater's cockamammy theory may be onto something. For those who missed class that day -- red and/or black unforms win. Especially the big games.

Of course, someone recently suggested to me that MOST of the teams wear red or black uniforms. Shut up. That is NOT the point.

The reason I can't tell you the uniform colors of the other teams is that I can't find any pictures yet. They don't make my job easy tracking them down, so those three uniforms are all I've been able to find so far.  No, I did NOT intend to watch all the title games just to see what they were wearing.


The team that beat my high school alma mater in the second round of the playoffs won this year's division title. They beat us 35 to 7. The championship was supposed to be a draw. They won 44 to 20-something. Killed 'em. 

Their uniforms are all black with orange-red helmets. Red AND black karma. The other two title winners wear red with white. One of them beat a team wearing black with white shirts. 

I'm thinking red may be the key color.

Personally, I also think they ought to check the players for steroids. I watched that future championship team roll over -- literally -- some very talented players on my alma mater's team when they played. Like they were cardboard cutouts. From standing upright on the line to knocking them flat on their backs with the first move. I know, sour grapes. They also have running backs who've been clocked at 4.3. Remember Ben Johnson? I overheard some people in the stands saying that anybody could run through the holes that line opened up. I wonder why?

The good news is that Illinois is this close to instituting testing for 'roids. But it will be random. I think that every member of each championship team should have to pee into a cup before and after the game. You can also do random testing during the season, although pre-season is probably the time to start. No warnings for using either. The kid is off the team forever. The coach is gone after the season ends. The team is ineligible for the playoffs until they pass random tests twice.

Either that or the officials can go through the locker rooms and look for guys with tiny wieners and severe acne. I've got a clipboardand I'm here to help.

4 comments:

salemslot9 said...

my high school colors
were black and red
don't know if that
affected their game

swibirun said...

Atlanta (red & black) better score twice in the next 3 minutes against New Orleans or they'll be poking holes in that theory:)

Chris
http://inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings.blogspot.com

jevanslink said...

Sorry -- pros don't count.  High school and college.. Mrs. L

screaminremo303 said...

The problem with steroids is they work. I'm not intending on cutting into Mrs L's weiner-counting, but it's probably easier to count the sets of bitch-tits.