This story could reach the TMI saturation point in a heartbeat, so let's see if I can just tell part of it.
Last night I went to use the
bathroom. Before sitting down I got a view of the contents, as we all
do unless we go to the toilet with our eyes closed.
There was something floating in the water. Ewwwww. It was a mouse. I was in denial, so I looked at it more
closely. Yep. Mouse. Dead. Drowned apparently.
Has it been swimming in the toilet when I go to bed at night? How did
it get in there anyway? Did it dive off the sink? Where was its towel? Okay
enough with the jocularity, How the heck was I going to get the dead
mouse out of the toilet so I could use it for the purpose intended.
There was a small window of opportunity before I peed in my pants.
Hmmm. If I used a spoon to lift it out, I could never use that spoon for anything else ever
again and I'd have to throw it away. So I got a huge garbage bag and
opened it up. Then I wadded up a huge blob of teepee and grabbed the
mouse by the tail -- ewwww --- and I gingerly carried it to the bag holding it as far away from myself as I could, and put it
in. Then I ran back to the toilet because I was out of time, if
you catch my drift.
The only thing I remember about mice is that if you see one, that means there are
thousands more. So I went out this morning and bought ten very
expensive mousetraps. The kind that kill the mice after enticing them
to taste the delicious peanut butter I put out for them inside a black plastic
box. Afterward all you see is their tail sticking out the back. None of this dead body in
public stuff. My kind of trap.
Oh look, you can release the spring, open the front and drop the mouse directly into the
garbage and re-use the trap. The directions with accompanying pictures are printed right there on the
side of the box. Like that's going to happen. I'm tossing every trap that has a
mouse. They're all set out. Here mousey mousey.
When I get home today I'm afraid of how many I'll find. And how much this is going to cost me in peanut butter and traps.
Going to the bathroom will never be the same.