Sunday, May 20, 2007


To Katie Couric:

With all due respect Ms. Couric -- have you considered the shelf life for a straight guy in his thirties and a menopausal woman? Just something to contemplate as you shop for new underwear and keep your legs and moustache waxed.

And don't play the Mary Tyler Moore card. Sure, she's fifteen years older than her husband. And looks good in a preserved and embalmed kind of way. But she didn't have kids who still needed to be raised. Also part of me wonders if her younger doctor spouse isn't gay. My apologies for reverting to steorotypes.
While we're at it don't play the Demi Moore card either. I will make bet that when Ashton Kutcher grows up he's going to want to make babies of his own. If those two make it ten more years I will eat my hair gel. Ted Danson's first wife was ten years older and I think he stayed because she had a stroke. I bet he waited to leave until it wouldn't affect his career. How's that for a cold assessment?

Mrs. Linklater has been there and done all that. Passing the fifty year mark seems to bring out the thirty something curiosity seekers. After realizing their interest isn't a college prank, you succumb to the thrill of it all, then the discovery that in the end, because it will end, you were only for show and tell. When the semester's over, they're gone. Although they like to stop by the alumni office from time to time.

Don't look past next week Katie. You will because you are a woman and we can't help ourselves, but don't say I didn't warn you.

To Angelina Jolie --

How many kids are you up to? Four. And you say you want to have more. Why? Chiildren aren't Hummel collectibles. Having one of each color isn't a good reason to adopt. First of all you aren't married. That should be one of the most important reasons to consider when you're ramping up to own a baseball team. I'm sorry, did I say own? My bad.

Your partner could leave at any time, which may be sooner rather than later if you both get maxed out on parenthood. [Any bets on when that will be?]

Children deserve a mom and a dad. Ask anyone who is divorced and raising their own. They also need lots of face time, when they can look up from what they're doing at any time and see you there. Quality time is what they call parenting in fifteen minute increments. It makes moms and dads who aren't around much feel better.

Meanwhile, you seem to be in a frenzy to adopt as many as you can as fast as you can. Why not spread them out more, so each one can be appreciated for themselves and not clumped together like a daycare group. That way you and what's his name might have a chance to make this work. At least as long as you have money to keep hiring nannies.

To Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Richie

Three words:  Human Papilloma Virus


mosie1944 said...

Ah, this is vintage Mrs.L.  You at your finest.

swibirun said...

Poor Katie,  I wanted to pull for her.  I tried watching her the first few weeks but just couldn't bear it.  I tried again earlier this month when all the ratings flap came out.  She really just doesn't work as a solo anchor.

But her personal life.  Eh - I think you hit it on the head.  So here's to you Ms. Robinson - errr- I mean Ms. Couric.  I guess though that we should consider that she is just using him for a trophy and great sex?  Good sex?  Ok, just sex, but still, you get the point.  

I really don't think you should pick on these fine young actresses.  They are the Mae West, Marilynn Monroe, and Kat Hepburn of this generation.  Crud....I tried but I couldn't say that with a straight face.....nevermind:)

Have a great weekend!

screaminremo303 said...

I always thought older women were kinda hot. It might just be the hormone flashes. Theirs. Not mine.

psychfun said...

Actually as we discuss the research in class, younger men & older women are a great match just like older men & younger women...from a hormone perspective. They peak at these complementary gender differences ages. There are always exception to the rule & it is the stereotypes which many times creates the self-fulfilling prophecy! Hindsight bias is lovely for many.

As for Angelina...this I also have some issues with. To say this would mean to say that all single parents are not excellent parents & in many cases not better than 2 parent families. There are many two parent families that are garbage! Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell never got married and there children, while not perfect like any, are not serial killers etc. Also, you would be saying that parents who have, geez what is even the highest other than mormons? oh I think that one show is to 16 is horrible. If you watch that show they are more organized than many single or two child families. Just because you have a lot of children doesn't mean you are not putting in quality time. Heck some of these lovely suburbanites have 1 child & have the kid in so many things, soccer, ballet, etc that they never see their kid. I would not assume yet how much time she has for her children. None of us really know their lives. We can make assumptions & sometimes we may really be right but we may also be wrong. We can say "Chances are...." but that does not confirm anything. I know much of this comes from the era we are raised. I am seeing it myself with some things now that I'm in my 40s but I also know that there are many children soooo much better off with their parents divorced & not seeing one of those parents. I know that some children around the world would have been worse may not still be 100% but none are...if it is even a bit better for them that is great. Oh & Mia Farrow...another example...though the one with Woody Allen I'm not suggesting! Ha!

lanurseprn said...

I'm in my late 40's and last year I got asked out by a 32yr old. I'm 15yrs his senior! I asked him WHY?? I was stunned. Curiosity. That's all.  I gotta admit, I was flattered!

mombzbe said...

My best friend is married to a guy who is 9 years younger, I think.   I give her a high five every time I see her.  lol