I don't know about you, but if I'm introduced to someone and I'm told he or she is a bodybuilder, I make some assumptions, starting with the fact that I wouldn't expect him or her to be an FBI agent. Bulging muscles can really chafe against a concealed weapon. Besides, the agents I've known blend in. Bodybuilders, on the other hand, tend to stick out.
Not to mention that bodybuilders eat weird food. Imagine what stakeouts would be like. No pizza, potato chips or coke during a long night for bodybuilding FBI dudes and dudettes. These are high protein powder people who avoid fat and bad carbs like herpes.
Eating with them at restaurants is not fun, either, because they're always commenting on how food affects your body, in between other conversation-killing subjects like the latest supplements and their workout diaries. Also, they hog the mirror. Usually naked. Actually you could be standing right next to a bodybuilder flashing your naughty bits and they wouldn't blink. Plus, if they've become really muscular, you have to wonder if his package has been shrink-wrapped with steroids.
All those things started going through my mind last week when the Mayor of Chicago introduced his new top cop. Aside from the fact that the new guy has a cross gender first name, Jody, which might as well be a boy named Sue in the Windy City, we learned the guy is a bodybuilder, right after we were told he was the FBI's special agent, blah blah blah in Philadelphia.
It's one thing for a member of law enforcement to stay in shape by going to the gym, but to do it so he can sculpt his body is kinda creepy.
Not to mention that during his introduction, there was nobody that looked remotely like a family member, nor did I see any short persons who resemble children loitering behind the podium, looking on with admiration at dear old Dad. However, based on my wellness check experiences, keeping the family out of sight may be warranted.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That he's gay? Truthfully, it crossed my mind 12 or 13 times. It wouldn't matter if he were out of the closet. But if he is gay, he's not out. Even so, the issue is a little more than that. My curiosity starts with -- this guy is 49. If he's never been married or even partnered up with someone from either gender at some point, AND he's a bodybuilder -- what we have here may be a RoboCop who lives and breathes his profession and has no personal life.The Ralph Nader of law enforcement with a gym membership.
We also have that guy Souter on the Supreme Court. Never married. Doesn't watch TV. But he's not in charge of a police force.
I've been concerned enough about the new guy, in my nosy, get a life, ever the busybody way, to try tracking down any kind of personal bio for him, without much luck. During my search I did find an interesting blog that's written by an anonymous Chicago police officer. But, so far nothing I can find gives much of a clue about Jody Weis.
Which brings us to Mrs Linklater's cockamammy and totally unsubstantiated theories: Based on the careful MISpronunciation of his last name, Jody Weis [he says WEESE] is Catholic. Without evidence [so far] of a wife and family, he's either gay or celibate because 1] he was mentored [wink wink] by a priest, OR 2] he's not gay or celibate, but remains unmarried because his mother died when he was young OR 3] early on he chose law enforcement over serial killing [see RoboCop personality mentioned above] because the pay is better.
Mrs. Linklater's B.S. factor is often in the high nineties, so don't bet the farm on her prognostications.