Monday, December 3, 2007

The New Guy Is A Bodybuilder

I don't know about you, but if I'm introduced to someone and I'm told he or she is a bodybuilder, I make some assumptions, starting with the fact that I wouldn't expect him or her to be an FBI agent. Bulging muscles can really chafe against a concealed weapon. Besides, the agents I've known blend in. Bodybuilders, on the other hand, tend to stick out.

Not to mention that bodybuilders eat weird food. Imagine what stakeouts would be like. No pizza, potato chips or coke during a long night for bodybuilding FBI dudes and dudettes. These are high protein powder people who avoid fat and bad carbs like herpes.

Eating with them at restaurants is not fun, either, because they're always commenting on how food affects your body, in between other conversation-killing subjects like the latest supplements and their workout diaries. Also, they hog the mirror. Usually naked. Actually you could be standing right next to a bodybuilder flashing your naughty bits and they wouldn't blink. Plus, if they've become really muscular, you have to wonder if his package has been shrink-wrapped with steroids.

All those things started going through my mind last week when the Mayor of Chicago introduced his new top cop. Aside from the fact that the new guy has a cross gender first name, Jody, which might as well be a boy named Sue in the Windy City, we learned the guy is a bodybuilder, right after we were told he was the FBI's special agent, blah blah blah in Philadelphia.

It's one thing for a member of law enforcement to stay in shape by going to the gym, but to do it so he can sculpt his body is kinda creepy.

Not to mention that during his introduction, there was nobody that looked remotely like a family member, nor did I see any short persons who resemble children loitering behind the podium, looking on with admiration at dear old Dad. However, based on my wellness check experiences, keeping the family out of sight may be warranted.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That he's gay? Truthfully, it crossed my mind 12 or 13 times. It wouldn't matter if he were out of the closet. But if he is gay, he's not out. Even so, the issue is a little more than that. My curiosity starts with -- this guy is 49. If he's never been married or even partnered up with someone from either gender at some point, AND he's a bodybuilder -- what we have here may be a RoboCop who lives and breathes his profession and has no personal life.The Ralph Nader of law enforcement with a gym membership.

We also have that guy Souter on the Supreme Court. Never married. Doesn't watch TV. But he's not in charge of a police force.

I've been concerned enough about the new guy, in my nosy, get a life, ever the busybody way, to try tracking down any kind of personal bio for him, without much luck. During my search I did find an interesting blog that's written by an anonymous Chicago police officer. But, so far nothing I can find gives much of a clue about Jody Weis.

Which brings us to Mrs Linklater's cockamammy and totally unsubstantiated theories: Based on the careful MISpronunciation of his last name, Jody Weis [he says WEESE] is Catholic. Without evidence [so far] of a wife and family, he's either gay or celibate because 1] he was mentored [wink wink] by a priest, OR 2] he's not gay or celibate, but remains unmarried because his mother died when he was young OR 3] early on he chose law enforcement over serial killing [see RoboCop personality mentioned above] because the pay is better.

Mrs. Linklater's B.S. factor is often in the high nineties, so don't bet the farm on her prognostications. 


ksquester said...

I hear he is in charge of wellness checks.  haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa   Anne

screaminremo303 said...

I once bought a copy of "Men's Health" for an Ab workout they had featured. After skimming a few pages it became evident it was pretty much a gay-porn wanker. I left it in the Chief's reception area just for kicks.

He's queer.

salemslot9 said...

hope thinking about him
coming to your door
doesn't keep you
up at night, Mrs. L.

dafyddhevans said...

Think he'll turn out to be more Bernie Kerik or Jeff Gannon?

psychfun said...

Now the marriage thing also, I mean I know I'm a bit younger but developmentally were already know that people are delaying marrige until much later after careers are established. Then many don't just get married these days because it is the thing to do as in the past. I would be a spinster by all standards at age 22 yrs if I was not married by then.  Then you mix in all the problems with find an awesome mate, much less just a good one, it is not that easy. Not like my parents generation. I would rather be single than to deal with much of the ugliness my married friends have, much of which many blog on AOL about. I have friends divorced 3 or 4 times. Just crazy...and for guys expensive when kids are involved. Being single today is not the same as in the past.  

Lastly, why is it even an issue if he or some politican or whoever married or gay or drives a Sabb or is related to Cheney many times removed. I'd rather look at their professional qualifications for their job. You make Chicago a better place I don't care what you prefer...just don't knock off 2 wives!

psychfun said...

Always amazing how many stereotypes still exist out there.

Check out these two a Chicago cop & one from TX.

Also Officer Geiger from the Naperville Polie defended his title at the Police & Fire Games with a dead lift of 716lbs, a world record, and bench pressed 485lbs, also a world record,  in what they call "raw" without any assistance. This totaled 1201lbs combined which is also a world record. He is married & has 3 kids.

Being in the FBI or an officer has many different jobs so it does not mean they are on stack outs etc. Also, there is an advantage, you won't think you can get away with anything with a cop that looks like a tank! HA!

Now as for their eating habits, so they eat "weird" God think of all the Weird concoctions some of us eat! HA! We should be so disciplined! Good for them. I don't think the other cops with mess with them & tease them either. Most of the cops I know wish they can be healthier. They bring a healthy lunch & then they are on a call for hours & don't get to eat it.

Now as far as cross gender names, they have been around for so long I thought we would be so beyond that. Micheal Learned older actress from the Waltons etc & Christopher Norris from Trapper John MD, I think this is just not something anyone really cares too much about anymore, especially with all the "different" names per culture...just look at athletes.

jevanslink said...

Dear Psychfun,

First, there's a difference between a bodybuilder and a weightlifter. You're comparing apples and oranges.

Second, 49 is late for anybody from any generation to get married for the first time.

Third, you can't tell when I'm kidding, can you?

Fourth, any parents who give their son a name that could be confused with a girl might as well put him in a dress.  

Fifth, thank your lucky stars I didn't just delete both comments for wasting space.

Mrs. L


mombzbe said...

One of my good friends from high school, who I roomed with my first year in college, was body building for a while.  Good god, could she HOG a mirror.

Thankfully, she eventually rejoined us in the land of bread and cheese, so I forgave her the extra face time.

The new guy?  49, single, probably lives at home...sure his name isn't Bates?