Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Raise The Drinking Age to 25

Some gray haired dweeb wearing a suit is making the rounds of the local tv shows, pushing to have the drinking age rolled back to eighteen.

Has he read any of the studies which tell us the teenage brain is like pudding that hasn't set yet? The same for their decision making skills. Why would anybody think that that da yoot of America could ever drink responsibly? Especially since experience and police reports have shown that the whole purpose of high school and college imbibification is excess?  More is more.

Only an old horndog would spearhead a movement to allow young people to drink legally at a younger age than they do already. Meanwhile, no law is going to stop a kid who has decided to suck up the Stoli at the tender age of twelve.

When you're under sixteen, it takes only takes three months of getting shitfaced on weekends to become an alcoholic. It takes only six months of six pack Saturday nights to fry your brain from ages sixteen to twenty-one. Luckily, once you make it to 21, you've got a three year window.

Which is why I think the drinking age should be raised to 25.  By that time, the hormones aren't at such poisonous levels anymore. Thanks in part to a reduction in pollution from unlimited amounts of hand-held sex. Simultaneously, having sex while drinking or driving drops precipitously, too. Mostly because when you have to start making payments on your own car, you get more careful about taking care of your stuff.

Twenty-five is also the age when you're considered old enough by corporate America to rent a car. It's also the age when the astronomical insurance rates suddenly drop. Do you think somebody knows something? 

In fact, why not raise the voting age to 25 too? Or when you've  finally moved out of your room for good. Whichever comes first. I think something needs to be considered because it's taking much longer for kids to get their acts together. Mainly because they don't have to.

Legalizing drinking for 18 year olds will supposedly solve everything -- teen pregnancy, stupid driving, idiotic pranks, teepee hanging from your trees, girls gone wild, etc., etc. Personally, I don't think Johnny Walker Redfaced drunken teens will solve anything except for the shortage of women in bars.

No matter what anybody says to the contrary, the ancient dude in his suit and tie disguise, acts like he'sgot his finger on the pulse of what young Americans are thinking. Even though I'm sure he's hoping to lay his creepy hands on something else. Oh for a chance to make it legal to hang out with Ashley and Tara at the local Wayside Inn after they're done with cheerleading practice.

He says the usual stupid stuff -- if 18 year olds are considered adult enough to fight for their country and vote in elections, it's about damn time we let them drink themselves into a stupor legally.

Except the reality seems to be that most 18 year olds can't be bothered to vote. Let alone make their beds. They love the freedom of being an adult, but I would love to know the real percentage of kids who actually carry out their responsibilities in an election.

And lately the military has had trouble making its quotas, because after reading about the carnage of two world wars and watching quite a few "police" actions on TV, 18 year old heroes have finally realized that their deaths and mutilations are what going to war is really about.

Given a choice, teens would spend their days playing Grand Theft IV or working on their MySpace pages. And, if drinking were legal at eighteen again, we'd be scraping them off the roads by the thousands. Now, thank goodness, it's only by the hundreds.

That's because seatbelts are mandatory no matter what your age.

4 comments:

screaminremo303 said...

The last time the drinking age was lower we ended up with Disco, AIDS, and the cast of "Different Strokes."

'Nuff said.

I only wish they had raised it 25 when I was younger. It would have saved me that "starter marriage" and the waste of a perfectly good band t-shirt to the ravages of salad dressing.

psychfun said...

Well lets just put it to a vote formally...there are more baby boomers who will make sure to vote for 25! I think they should not be allowed to vote, military or get married at 18! That is stupidity! 18 yr olds today are not like they were in the 1950s! I do think it is stupid to not allow renting a hotel. I mean they can be married at 18 and you can't stay in a hotel for your honeymoon or rent a car. I just think they need to have an age where it is all the same. Go with a happy medium & say 22 when they graduate from college maybe. It does pose a problem for college students who go to a conference like my students did though. I understand the reason proms, spring break but you know make them responsible adults, they reck the place they pay for it. Great way to get new carpet & wall paper...not to mention that report of what one sees in hotels with the ultraviolet light...ick! Totally agree...I think some men just want to have the chance at younger women. Ya, let it be their daughter they see on Girls Gone Wild! HA! Hi Dad...I'm married a guy your age! HA! I'm more worried they would be scraping my but off the road due to them. The Drunk Drivers many times seem to survive but kill a family of 6!

mombzbe said...

With all the children under my roof, I'd be happy for any raising of age, be it for drinking, or driving.  

I didn't raise much hell when I was a youngster, but I knew where to find it.  

I'm hoping to hide it before my kids start looking.
Anna

suzypwr said...

We tried lowering the drinking age to 18 during the Viet Nam war for the same reason. The change was dropped for good reasons. Why revisit that mistake?

As if the FDA would today approve either alcohol or tobacco as new products to go on the market?

xoxo