Thursday, May 26, 2011

Maybe I'm Just a Crabby Old Lady

I think I lost my sense of humor. I checked all my pockets, looked behind the bathroom door, even put my hand down the black hole between the console and the seat of the car -- nothing. 
          Maybe it's because June is a couple of days away and it's 41 degrees and raining here. Still. 
          Maybe it's because some kid snapped the buds off my tulips. And continues to live.
          Maybe it's because my car failed the emissions test -- you mean the check engine light is there for a reason?
          Maybe it's because projects I thought were moving ahead are dead in the water. Anybody need some snappy website patter? 
          Maybe it's because every time I order a de-caf tall mocha frappacino with a shot of hazelnut it never tastes the same twice. And at an airport Starbuck's, a mocha coconut frap cost me almost $10 with a slice of banana nut bread. 
          Maybe it's because the IRS thinks I'm the central bank. Hello?!
          Maybe it's because I watched a barista make one of those costly fraps and noticed that 94.2% of the drink was crushed ice. 
          Maybe it's because Kim Kardashian has a $2M engagement ring. Just for showing up.
          Maybe because the only grab ass I've had lately was during my "You-with-the-hip-replacements-over-here!" TSA pat down. By a woman. 
          Maybe because the movie on my flight had to be re-booted three times before it took. My tray table looked like someone tried to wipe it off with spit. My salmon dinner smelled like fish. And I was in First Class.
          Maybe because my doctor kept prefacing the results of my lab tests with "For your age. . ."
          Maybe because I not only have a cough, but I'm wheezing. 
          Maybe because my bills have to be paid every month, not just when I'm in the mood.
          Maybe because the funniest thing I heard all week was when I grumbled at someone I thought was checking my ID and boarding pass, "What do YOU want from me?" And all he said was, "How about a smile?" Which I did. And he waved me on. 
          Maybe because all those maybes are just the tip of the iceberg. 
          Hard to tell, but I just spent a fabulous week in Hawaii. 


Jon said...

Thanks for providing me with a much-needed wide smile. Even though I'm admittedly very envious of your fabulous week in Hawaii....

Jayne Martin said...

If this is you with a "lost" sense of humor, then you're just a damn genius and I must loathe you in order to feel good about myself. ;)