Friday, May 14, 2004

Assignment #5 Celebrity Encounter

Answer: The Eagles. Not one of those guys is more than 5'8" max. Question:  What is the shortest group of rockers you can think of?

Mrs. Linklater eschews rock concerts. She prefers the safety of her earphones. Or the privacy of her car where she can sing along as badly as she wants while she plays her favorite songs again and again and again.

At rock concerts nuance is nonexistent. Amplifiers rule. Sound comes in two speeds -- loud and louder.

There are endless lines at the toilet paper free bathrooms. 

And the venue menu tends to be carbo loaded -- hot dogs in soggy buns, nachos with lip searingly hot melted cheese, chips and candy bars left over from the original Stones tour. And, of course, beer, beer, beer, more beer and tasteless, watery soft drinks 

Having said all that, Mrs. Linklater was invited to an Eagles concert last night. She went. With traffic and weather, the commute alone took eight hours there and back.

Yes, she had a hotdog in a soggy bun. Yes, the amps were ramped up. Yes, the place was soaked in beer. Yes, everybody flicked their Bics. Yes, it was a great concert.

All of which, in a somewhat ironic way, brings us around to her celebrity encounter.

About twelve years ago she was in Aspen staying at an old boyfriend's house for a week or so over New Year's.

Not wanting to starve during her visit Mrs. Linklater suggested shopping for groceries. At the local market he headed for the libation area, and she went to produce. 

Soon, she found herself trying to figure out how to open up a strangely configured plastic bag so it could be filled up with vegetables.

She noticed two other people having the same difficulty -- a lady with a kid in her cart on her left and a short, apparently homeless man on her right.

Perhaps "homeless" isn't fair. Maybe he just hadn't had time to comb his hair or shave that morning. And it was easier to put on a ratty old coat over the clothes he must have slept in, since he was only going to the grocery store. 

But even if he wasn't really homeless, he was still short.

So there they were, all three of them, lined up in produce, struggling with their stupid plastic bags.

Soon opening the bags became a sport, with ribald, running commentary from Mrs. Linklater. The lady with the kid was amused by the unexpected entertainment.

However, the scruffy, short guy kept looking at Mrs. Linklater like he wanted to kill her.

Hm-m-m-m, are we a little edgy today? Clearly he did not like having someone make fun of his produce skills

Finally Mrs. Linklater got an artichoke into her bag in triumph -- and promptly pricked her finger on a leaf. "Serves you right!" the short, scruffy, homeless-looking man said gleefully. After which he smiled proudly at his tepid insult.

Undaunted, Mrs. Linklater wished everyone luck and took her hard-won bag of artichokes to the check out line where her old boyfriend was waiting at the counter.

He leaned over and whispered, "Do you know who that was?"   "No, who?" replied Mrs. Linklater. 

"Don Henley."

"Who's Don Henley?" 

 

 

7 comments:

arzyfarz said...

So, who goes to rock concerts for the hot dogs?? Do you have any idea what's in hot dogs? Of course everyone, especially rock stars should always dress properly when going grocery shopping so as not to offend Mrs. Linklater's sensibilities.  The world would then be a much better place.

dbellbabe said...

Well,We cannot judge a book by it's cover as they say.I myself never got in those food lines.Much less the beer because I would end up missing half the concerts if I did!LOL!I usually went to the open-air ones which is much more fun that way you can take your own bottle of liquor and munchies in a huge cooler and stand on it to see better.I don't believe that was Don Henley myself.He just looks like him?Maybe he gets off on making people look like fools for judging him?Or took a bad hit?I know one short Rock Star I met and got to shake his hand that he held out and was so surprising for me ,was the singer in "Loudness".He must have been only about 5 ft. tall!He was so short.The only Rock Star i ever met.My friend left me out and went backstage to meet my favorite group that i was promised to meet and she lied and said if I helped this guy hold his camera equipment I could go backstage too.Never got too.She got pics sent to her from photographer and what did I get?A hand shake was fine with me from any Rock Star.I love the Eagles!I use to own every CD until they got stolen.I learned my lessons in life;Never believe a promise from a friend or anybody!Just take life as it is.Those homeless people have bigger hearts than we can imagine!

camic6 said...

I really can't believe the grocery store episode...I just saw the Eagles in concert less than 2 weeks ago.  It was the best concert I have ever attended, and I've been to several. One does not go to a concert for the"hotdogs" or beer.  Usually you enjoy the music, not the food! Personally I think Don Henley is gorgeous. I was fortunate enough to attend the final concert of their farewell tour. It was definitely not something that I will ever forget. I really do think they are the best group of all time.

tooroiiingstoned said...

 I THINK THE EAGLES WERE TOP 40 SUCKASSES WHO DEVELOPED A FORMULA TO SELL COPIES, UNLIKE OTHER MORE TALENTED BANDS THAT MADE MUSIC FROM THE HEART WITHOUT CONSIDERATION OF THE CRITICS OR THE MINDLESS MASSES THAT BUY CRAPHEAD MUSIC LIKE THE EAGLES OR LYNYRD SKYNYRD. HERE ARE A FEW. "THE BAND" "TRAFFIC" "JOHNNY WINTER" "GOV'T. MULE" "JOHN HIATT" "ROY BUCHANAN" "JOHNNY LANG" "TODD RUNDGREN." IF I MET DON HENLEY, I'D TRY MY BEST TO SHIT AT THROW IT AT HIM.
                                       
                                                      Take it Easy,
                                                        J. Walsh

rentalsn said...

Shortest rockers?   gosh, I dunno, but I suspect that if Mrs L was cracking wise vis-a-vis the girth of the artichokerette which She was bagstuffing to that of the Alleged Mr. H's cuke...........

sorry Don, just can't resist a punchline  : )

slywolf82 said...

I've seen The Eagles in concert...It was a great concert (Hell Freezes Over), even if it was way over-priced to see. I'd have to agree on the food & beer, which is why I stay away from them. We go out to eat before to keep the munchies away. The only thing prompting me from that arm & a leg seat would be a dire bathroom need!! Don Henley has never been known as the teddy bear of the group, so the Aspen incident doesn't surprise me at all. He has been known as broody & a tisch self-important. Just because he's a "rock-star" doesn't mean he can't be ornery like everyone else. Sometimes they tend to believe thier own press too. Which, in the end is why Karma plays it's role---he isn't exactly Paul McCartney or Sting with the many charities, etc. that they support. All in all, I think that you had a close encounter that emphasizes that these celebrities are just ordinary people, who just happen to get thier 15 minutes a little longer than the average joe!!

pburgmomf said...

I saw the EAGLES,,,,,,Farewell tour 1......October 1003 in Columbus Ohio,,,,,,,,had GREAT SEATS,,,,,,was worth EVERY PENNY!    God love em,,,they are a constant reminder that "class comes with age sometimes"
They were AWESOME,,,,,was so great to go back.........way back and feel the music that made my younger life so special!

Hoping to see them again this year.        Love, elizabeth

Get the change,,,,,,,,,,,just do it,,,,GO

money well spent,,,,, I guarantee