According to Scalzi, this weekend assignment, the fifty-second, marks the first anniversary of weekend assignments. I knew that.
Weekend Assignment #52: Congratulations! Hollywood is making a movie of your life, and you get to choose any actor you want to play you -- yes, even if they're dead (the things they can do with special effects!) Who do you choose and why?
All righty then. I want Jim Carrey to play me in drag. What? You have a problem with that?
Okay then, how about Oprah? Just because I'm a white person doesn't mean a white person has to play me. She is a fine actress. She can capture that certain je ne sais quoi that is central to who I am. And that has nothing to do with color or weight or anything. It's all about soul. And I think we're on the same page there.
I can hear the catcalls already. Really. You people. No imagination.
Okay, I'm so old if we're going to do my life story I have to have a bunch of people. So I want Diane Keaton when she was young to play me in my 20's. Kind of how she was in Looking for Mr. Goodbar. Aside from getting younger, she'll have to get taller for the part, too.
Next Cindy Crawford can play me in my thirties. Yeah I was looking good then. Maybe not that good, but good. Except she has to learn to act, first. Puh-lease. At least she's tall enough.
Then Glenn Close can play me in my forties -- with her curly blond hair from Fatal Attraction. Although she'd have to stand on a chair to be my height.
Susan Sarandon can play me in my fifties. We look nothing alike. But that's who I want.
Now that I've hit sixty, who's left? Of course. Cher.
And I want Russell Crowe to be all my boyfriends.
Extra credit: Name the musician/band who will play the theme song to the movie.
Pointer Sisters' "Dare Me", the theme song of my life.