Patrick's Saturday Six French Open Edition

The kid who just won the French Open has long hair and he's wearing white capri pants with a lime green sleeveless top. Just thought you should know.

1. Who is the last performer you saw live in concert? What is the last film you saw at a theater?  Which was more worth the money you paid?

I can't remember the last performer's name. Marcia something.  She's a Louisiana blues, honky-tonk piano player with a great Won't You Let Me Be Yo Mama voice. How she sounds and what she looks like have nothing to do with each other. She could be your third grade homeroom teacher. If your teacher was white. Or she could easily be a librarian. In fact, think Laura Bush in leopard skin, rockin' and rollin' with a five piece band behind her, stompin' her feet and throwin' her head back like she was having an orgasm. 

Last film: I saw a documentary about the Enron case.  I think it was called The Smartest Guys In the Room. Really indicted those megalomaniacs for the greedy lying bastards they were. And walked you through the blackouts they caused in California.

The movie was more valuable for the price.  The music cost me four times as much. And I didn't want to go out and change the world afterward.  Movies can do that to me.  For instance, Supersize Me rocked my Mickey D's cravings.  I haven't been back since.

2. What do you do more of in a typical day:  Work, sleep, eat, exercise. watch TV, surf the web?

I'm probably on the phone more than anything, but that wasn't a choice. If I had a choice I'd spend my life in the gym. But I'm injured.

So since this journal thing got started I'm online much more. And I've got the fat ass to prove it. I often multi-task. I can watch tv, surf, work, and answer the phone at the same time. Since I've got tv's, computers and phones in three different rooms, I can do all those things and sleep too.

3. Your office brings in a new drink machine and it's your job to fill the eight selection slots.  What drinks (non-alcoholic, of course) do you select?

Fresh squeezed o.j. and ruby red grapfruit juice. Sweetened ice tea with lemon. Homemade lemonade with a real lemon sliced in it. Schweppes bitter lemon -- the old formula, with real lemon pulp in it, not this green shit they're selling now, assuming you can even find it.  [Think I like lemon?]  Let's round things out with Odwalla Mango Madness. Oh, since it's MY machine, how about  homemade chocolate malts -- fresh daily.  And quarts of chocolate milk.

4. Take the quiz:  What is your expression number?   Do you agree with the description it gives you?  What do you disagree with most?

You're a 4.
Practical and down to earth - everything in your life is organized.
You are a great writer and teacher. You never forget a detail.
Very patient, you have the ability to cultivate talents in difficult fields.

You also tend to have an artistic side. You'd make a great architect or classical musician.
You face your responsibilities with a positive attitude - and you always get things done.
You are serious, sincere, honest, and faithful.

Sometimes your strong sense of responsibility leads to frustration.
You also tend to develop strong likes and dislikes, which borderon dogmatism.
At you're worst, you can be a dominant disciplinarian.

I don't know. I WAS organized once. Only under pressure now. Played a couple of instruments, but it was clear that's not where my talents lay. I'm not serious either. Sincere, honest and faithful, yes. And all the other stuff, too. I am curious about the dominant disciplinarian quality. Is this a leather and whips thing I ought to look into?

5. Counting all light fixtures and lamps in your home, how many bulbs do you have in place, and how many of them are on right now?

Okay i won't do jokes about tulip bulbs. In the interest of journalistic accuracy I actually went around and counted. I can stand in one place and do that. I have a small house, so only sixteen. Eighteen counting the front and back door lights. Eleven are on. Eight are on 24/7. You'll never guess why. No I'm not afraid of the dark.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #55 from Laura: What is your favorite movie line ever and why?

Nick Cage says it to some girl he is crazy about in some movie with a name I can't remember. They're in New Orleans. It's pouring rain. He lifts her up against a wrought iron fence in a moment of passion and says "I'm going to [SOMETHING SOMETHING] and shake you naked." What I wouldn't give to have some guy say that to me.  I know, I had my chances.

It would probably help if I could remember the whole line. Because [SOMETHING SOMETHING] is not exactly a sexy placeholder. 

But that line and Marlon Brando calling somebody a "tub of guts" in One Eyed Jacks are my two favorite lines. Tub of guts just makes me laugh. He also says, "Get up you scum sucking pig."  Marlon just had a way with dialog.

UPDATE:  Nick Cage to his wife up against the fence in the pouring rain:  "We're inevitable. I want  to shake you naked and eat you alive, Zandalee."

[Thank you my Scottish friend. With your help I found the quote.]