Tuesday, April 11, 2006

PASS THIS ON OR YOU WILL DIE

I have received this message so many times I've lost track.  So instead of deleting it, I'm putting it here with my own comments.


Without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me! [I HOPE I NEVER SEE THIS AGAIN]
         
You have 6 minutes  [OR YOU WILL DIE]


There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious.  [WTF DOES THIS MEAN? IF YOU ARE SUPERSTITIOUS, IT'S MORE MEANINGFUL?]

This has been sent to you for good luck from
the Anthony Robbins organization. [LIKE THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO].

It has been sent around the
world ten times so far. [TEN TIMES AROUND THE WORLD ON A BICYCLE IS A LOT. ON THE INTERNET, NOT SO MUCH.]

Do not keep this message. [OR YOU WILL DIE]

It must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. [OR YOU WILL DIE]

Otherwise you will get a
very unpleasant surprise. [IN CASE YOU MISSED IT -- YOU WILL DIE]

This is true, even if you are not
superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.  [YOU WILL DIE HARDER IF YOU AREN'T]

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


GIVE THE JERK WHO STOLE YOUR PARKING PLACE THE FINGER AND SMILE
         
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older,
their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

AS YOU GET OLDER THEY MIGHT JUST TURN AND ASK YOU TO SHUT THE HELL UP FOR ONCE
         
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep
all you want.

THE REASON FOR FOR THIS ADVICE WOULD BE?
         
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.


DON'T JUST SAY IT LIKE YOU USUALLY DO -- TO GET LAID.
         
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.


AND SAY, "ASSHOLE."
         
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


SO YOU CAN MAKE SURE ALL THE BLOOD TESTS ARE NEGATIVE.
         
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.


THEN REMEMBER THAT LOVE IS ALSO BLIND.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

THERE'S ALWAYS INTERNET PORN
         
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's
the only way to live life completely.

PAIN IS THE NEW OXYCONTIN

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

SAVE THAT FOR THE DIVORCE.
         
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.


AS LONG AS THEY HAVE MONEY.
         
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.


YOU MAY HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU'RE NOT HAVING A STROKE WHEN THE PARAMEDICS ARRIVE.
         
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to
answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

THEN SAY, "ASSHOLE."
         
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements
involve great risk..

HERE AGAIN MONEY IS A GREAT LUBRICATOR

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

OR THEY WILL DIE!
         
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson


YOU'RE A LOSER
         
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and responsibility for all your actions.

IT WORKED FOR MARION BARRY, BILL CLINTON, MIKE BROWN, AND SO MANY GREAT AMERICANS.
         
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


YOU CAN ALWAYS END IT BY EMAIL
         
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate
steps to correct it.

BLAME SOMEONE ELSE
         
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it
in your voice.

HE'LL THINK YOU'RE LAUGHING AT HIM.
         
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.


NAKED ON A PARK BENCH


****************

Now, here's the FUN part!  [DO THIS OR YOU WILL DIE]

         
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.


          1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly:

GASOLINE WILL DROP TEN CENTS.

          5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking:

STEAK WILL NOT AFFECT MY CHOLESTEROL. NEITHER WILL FULL STRENGTH BUTTER, SOUR CREAM, REAL ICE CREAM, WHIPPED CREAM OR CHOCOLATE.


          9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks:

MY MORTGAGE WILL BE PAID FOR BY SOMEONE ELSE, THE FLOWERS WILL BE PLANTED BY SOMEONE ELSE, THE GUTTERS WILL BE CLEANED BY SOMEONE ELSE, THE GARBAGE WILL BE TAKEN OUT BY SOMEONE ELSE, THE TOILET PAPER WILL BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE ELSE.


          15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape:

RUSSELL CROWE WILL HAVE MY BABY, THE NEW BENTLEY CONVERTIBLE WILL APPEAR IN MY DRIVEWAY, THE COST OF CABLE WILL DROP TO A BUCK THREE EIGHTY, SETTING UP MY DSL WILL TAKE TEN MINUTES LIKE THEY SAID THE FIRST TIME, MY LIFE WILL BE ON REWIND TO 1978. 

         
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches
your heart.

SO WHEN A STRANGER REACHES OUT AND PUTS HIS HAND ON YOUR LEFT BREAST, DO NOT BE ALARMED.

Do not keep this message!

OR YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!


9 comments:

ladeeoftheworld said...

I shall pass this on to all my friends, because I care about them.  Warm words from a warm heart................lol.

bosoxblue6993w said...

what do i care?     i'm already dead.

   - erma bombeck

screaminremo303 said...

I so despise chain e-mails that I often forward them to the I.R.S. with the disclaimer that "...I got this from some kook that was trying to sell me way to get out of paying taxes."

My spam has really slowed down over the last few years.

onemoretina said...

Who knew 'forwards' could be so much fun?  Thanks for a good laugh.   Tina

mombzbe said...

So, are you hoping that the person that sent this to you will read this and get the hint, because the 300 other times you didn't forward this weren't enough of one?

LOL, you know, I bet this gets sent to you...again!
Anna

psychfun said...

That was great! Thanks!

suzypwr said...

I always am entertained (not) by the ones that say "you have to send this one back to me" Why? Didn't you read it before you sent it to me? I have no desire to send viruses around to my friends.

xoxo

onmiownnow2 said...

Good for you!  That was great!  I have enough bad luck already without having it wished on me.  Then again... I never resend these E-mails to anyone.  Maybe that's why I have all this bad luck in the first place!  Hmmmmm........  Lisa

swibirun said...

Can I send you my medical bill for a ruptured abdomen from laughter?  Its your fault.  

Now go comment in 5 other people's blogs.......or you will die.

Chris
http://inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings.blogspot.com/