Friday, January 7, 2005

Embrace Your Inner Jewish Buddhist

If you go back far enough, my religious DNA includes just about every option on the American menu.

I am quite proud of the fact that even though I was raised a stiff upper lip Protestant and my children were schooled in Roman Catholicism, my many Jewish friends are often surprised that I am not a member of the tribe. In fact, I have been called a stealth Jew.

So, with that ecumenical thought in mind and this being a slow day for posting stuff, I share the following golden oldie [No. 9 is still my favorite]: 

The Principles of Jewish Buddhism

1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.

2. There is no escaping karma.  In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited.  And whose fault was that?

3. Wherever you go, there you are.  Your luggage is another story.

4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle.  What were you thinking?

5. Be aware of your body.  Be aware of your perceptions.  Be aware that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

6. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

7. Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

8. The Tao has no expectations.  The Tao demands nothing.  The Tao does not speak.  The Tao does not blame.  The Tao does not take sides.  The Tao is not Jewish.

9. Drink tea and nourish life.  With the first sip, joy.  With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

10. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings.  Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

11. Be patient and achieve all things.  Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

12. To Find the Buddha, look within.  Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.  Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

13. Be here now.  Be someplace else later.  Is that so complicated?

14. Zen is not easy.  It takes effort to attain nothingness.  And then what do you have?  Bupkes!


mosie1944 said...

I love it!

greyhoundloner03 said...

Stealth Jew..LMAO

belfastcowboy75 said...

You remind my friend, Syd Harthberg. He brought gabardine to china.

gypsytrader49 said...

Stealth Jew. That is hysterical! I, too am a stealth Jew...I've gotta send that to my Jewish friends.

screaminremo303 said...

"For this, I read your journal?"  Hilarious.

cneinhorn said...

This was great, my personal favorite was #3... :-)


pollysci said...

These are great.  I come from a family that's half Catholic and half Southern Baptist.

One half thinks the other is going to hell for worshipping false idols.
The idol worshipping half thinks the other needs a drink, dance and a rectal-stick removal procedure.  

It'd made for some great pre-meal blessing bickering! :D

~tara :)

jglassheim said...

We were frustrated at not being able to find a JuBu Haggadah, so we wrote one.

Haggadah for Jews & Buddhists will be available as a book after March 1, 2006 and as an downloadable pdf file from