Thursday, March 15, 2007

Quality of Life

You know, I didn't think I'd be spending my retirement years in a construction zone. Not that I'm retired, but I could be, if my lottery ticket hits.

There are three McMansions being built across the street from me. Two are directly across from me and next to one that was built last year  The third is across the street and a couple of houses down. If that weren't enough, there is also a fourth being built on the corner on my side of the road. The neighbors on my left and right have already doubled the size of their houses with additions. Same with two more neighbors across the street  At this point, with all the dump truck and heavy equipment traffic, the asphalt is looking more like road rash. And in the midst of all the Trump Towers, my house looks like a Jack in the Box.

Each morning around 7:00 AM, the block turns into a parking lot for Dodge Hemis and men with mullets. Ah the smell of insulation and the sound of jackhammers in the morning.

Backing my Jeep out of the driveway is like giving birth to an aircraft carrier. There's only enough room for one car at a time to squeeze through what's left of the road, so several times a day the backed up cars play chicken to see who gets first dibs on the right of way.

For some reason my parkway recently became covered in blue and yellow flags about a foot off the ground. It looks like a golf course for very short people. Since almost all the construction is across the street, why is it that MY parkway, and only MY parkway, is filled with all these colorful markers that tell people where the gas and water lines are? MY gas and water lines. I better check my utility bills.

For some reason, along with posting all those flags, the builders have also had to dig huge holes on both sides of MY parkway and tear up the end of MY driveway. I now have an attractive black patch where part of my driveway was replaced. And two huge mounds of mud where my lawn used to be. I may have to put my foot down if they start removing my trees.

Granted, next to the three story monstrosities they're building in my neighborhood, turning it into a wealthy enclave from the middle class place it used to be, my little one story hut looks like an outhouse. Because size is everything, the contractors and workmen may think they have carte blanche to use my property as a porta potty,but women over sixty who live alone are people too.

Well, we used to be people. I'm reminded of a Shel Silverstein poem from his book of the same name: Where the Sidewalk Ends. I think I'm there.

Since they started tearing down the charming little cottages that made moving here an easy decision when I got divorced, I've felt like a prey animal separated from the herd. People who want to move into the neighborhood leave notes in my mailbox. Companies that purchase teardowns send me letters. My doorbell rings and two real estate types ask when I'm planning to move. It's like being stalked by menacing predators.  Or looking up to see vultures sitting in the trees.

I now know why old ladies who live down the street get a reputation for being cranky.


screaminremo303 said...

I'd stick a big styrofoam tombstone in the mud pile and write "Real Estate Weasel" on it. Then I'd make another one that says "Cat Shelter Opening Soon" and hammer that sucker in. It might also be time to make sure your lawn receives a fresh coat of manure, just to give it a boost for this summer.

Remo - the neighbor you wish lived next to your Boss.

ksquester said...

Seems like your neighborhood is begining to look like a Monopoly board.  Anne

mombzbe said...

Ugh.  That just sounds horrendous.

Maybe it's time to clean the rifle.  On the porch.