Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Speaking of Rednecks

Apparently Bristol's betrothed, Levi "I'm a f------g redneck" Johnson or Johnston [depending on your source], states on his expletive filled Facebook page that he doesn't want kids. I wonder how much longer that page will be up.

This just gets better and better.

Despite his protestations about no kids, Levi is reportedly joining the mother of his child and her family at the RNC shortly. Maybe when his future mother-in-law gives her speech, we can get a glimpse of him sitting with his bride-to-be. I give that shotgun marriage enough time to provide the baby with a name, but its slacker father will be toast before a year is up, assuming Bristol hasn't kicked him out before then.  So much for abstinence only and family values.

Maybe this evening the Republican vice presidential nominee will use her greatly anticipated speech to address something Barack Obama said the other night. "We may not agree about abortion, but we can agree that something needs to be done about teen pregnancies." 

Especially when kids think they won't get pregnant the first time they do it.  Boy, wouldn't it be great to get a free pass? Except you wouldn't want it for the first time you ever had sex --  you'd like to save it for when you knew what you were doing. Or found someone who could show you.

One of the problems trying to educate kids about hormone poisoning is that they have their own unique way of absorbing information. Their brains are still made of pudding, don't forget. It's risky explaining stuff. You really can't tell them anything because you have no idea how they will hear it.

I remember a college girl [not my kid] who told me she wouldn't get pregnant as long as she waited until fourteen days after her period started. She said I had taught her that. WTF? I once told her that women ovulated fourteen days BEFORE their periods. However, my point was [I thought] that counting fourteen days AFTER your period starts wouldn't work to prevent pregnancy. Ask a Catholic. Apparently that's not what she heard.

Maybe that's why nobody wants to talk to kids about sex. You mess them up even when you don't mean to. 

We should probably require a license to "do it." Leave it all to the bureaucrats. Give the kids a book with diagrams to memorize. Then, after passing the written test, a qualified examiner would take themout for a test drive. Just kidding. But a written test to earn a license to have sex couldn't hurt. Part of getting it renewed every three years would be a test for STDs. And to check how many points they had accumulated for bad rides.

There would have to be another license for having babies. This one would require twelve weeks in a simulator that included three weeks of morning sickness followed by nine weeks of wearing a fat suit for the women. The guys get to spend a month waking up to the sound of a crying baby every two hours. And no sex of any kind for the entire time. At the end there would be a final exam that included teaching a kid how to ride a bike and proper behavior at t-ball games.

Tonight will be interesting.  I'll be curious to see how many times Sarah Palin has the balls to invoke parallels to Hillary. The only thing they have in common is that they're both female.

5 comments:

robingrg2 said...

Sarah Palin doesn't need to be crucified for something her daughter did.  We try to teach our kids right from wrong and morals.  What they do with that info is out of our control.  I'm constantly telling my boys, 11 and 14, they'd better not pressure a girl into having sex and they'd better run the other way if a girl tries to pressure them.  Are they really listening to my (and their dad's) advice and taking it to heart?  I can only hope...  Nothing will be done about teen pregnancies until the teens learn to keep their legs together and their pants zipped up!   I was so afraid of my dad and the embarrassment a "out of wedlock" pregnancy would bring my parents there's no way I would've had sex as a teenager.  Todays teens just don't seem to give a damn...until it's too late and the deed is done.  

Also, Sarah & Hillary are both politicians so that's two things they have in common.  And, I bet if we dug a little deeper, we'd find even more things.

Keep those posts coming.  They're great!

Robin in Texas

psychfun said...

OMG I want to pay you for those laughs! HA!

Bad rides...if that only were true! Some countries the mother actually watches & teaches them how to have sex...we say ick but maybe that is why Ha! Of course in some countries rights of passage for boys includes having sex with a man even though they are not gay. Those hormones are affecting their brains & that is why they can't think. Heck mine still effect it each month! ;-) Now the no sex while pregnant where did you get that idea? Many do! Some do right after birth too! Maybe this is just my crazy family though! HA! I had a student who onces excitedly told me that the heart starts to beat at conception. I was like ok...who told her that? She said her right to life group! Ah Ha! I told her I don't care what view point you have but you have to have accurate information or you look like a fool & won't convince anyone..well those who are not ignorant in the first place. Ya, the same catholic priest who like boys are telling women how not to get pregnant right! Some judges are making parents take classes for their kids & on divorce effect. I wish all parents had to take a class. They have no idea how children develop. They spank them like they should be an adult & be able to understand. Heck half the time adults do not do it...going to spank them? Their brains can't understand how Susie has the same amount of ice cream or even less. How about teaching men to say "I'm sorry". I know we can make a list for women. And geez we blame teens & what are adults doing so....first we should clean up our own act!

ksquester said...

I am pro choice.  I remember the days when a womans choice meant nothing and I remember the back room butchers.  I also know women who have had abortions and their lives have never been the same.  It takes a tole on women whatever they decide, but the fact is they GET to decide.  Until a man is in that position, he should not have any say.  Now that leads us to whomever is the next president........who will they appoint to the supreme court.  I do NOT wish Roe V. Wade to be reversed, even though it may never affect MY life.  I think it's wonderful that Mrs. Palin has stated that her child will have the baby........she got to make a choice..........or did her daughteer make the decision?   Anne

emmapeeldallas said...

I spent a semester teaching sex ed to middle school kids who were gang members.  Most of my students were girls, but there were a few boys too.  You can bet I told them about birth control.  The majority of these kids, young though they were, had been sexually active for some time, and weren't about to change their behavior because of some middle class female coming in and preaching to them.  Sexuality is part of being alive, which I told my students and also my own sons and daughters, and once you begin to be sexually active, you'd damn well better be responsible about it.  I know this will give some people apoplexy.  Oh well.

Judi

suzypwr said...

They can use the driver's ed car on Thursdays for sex ed.