"I'm driving myself home," I said.
"You can't do that," she practically shouted.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because nobody has done that before," she exclaimed.
Now there's a good reason.
"Well, there's nothing in your literature that says I can't drive myself home," I retorted, "Besides," I added, "I have no hip restrictions. So I am allowed to drive, as long as I'm not taking any narcotics."
"Are you on any narcotics?"
"Not for 24 hours. I had one Darvocet yesterday."
"How did you get your car here anyway?" She wondered, changing the subject.
"I got a ride to my house yesterday and drove it back," I explained.
"You left rehab?" She asked, looking astounded.
"Yes, my stepmom picked me up and drove me to get my car," I said.
"That's against our rules."
"But only you seem to know the rules. There's nothing in your literature that says I can't leave the premises."
"But you're supposed to get a pass."
"Nobody told me that I had to have a pass."
"Well, you are supposed to have one."
"But there's nothing in your literature. . ."
"That doesn't matter. No one is supposed to leave without telling us."
"Too late. By the way, if you're not going to let me drive myself home, how am I supposed to get there?"
"Can't you call someone to come get you?"
"And what should I do with my car when they get here to pick me up?"
"Hmmm. I guess you're going to have to sign a waiver."
So I signed a waiver that said I was leaving rehab against medical wishes because I was driving myself home. All of two miles. That way they figured they'd be off the hook if I had an accident on the way.
I wonder if I should have a plaque made to commemorate my milestone:
On this date in 2009,
Mrs. Linklater was the first person
to ever leave this rehab facility
while driving herself.