I know that's Randy Jackson on the left, but I confess I have no clue about the woman next to him. I thought for a second that one of the Kardashians got in by mistake. But then I was distracted by the Indian guy there in front. Who the heck is he?
And I am totally at a loss about who the blond babe in this next picture is -- I thought maybe Joss Stone at first, but what's she done to her hair? And she didn't sound all that Joss Stone-y to me.
And what about the prepubescent kid who started it all off? Not a Jonas brother. A Jonas little brother? Or is that redundant?
Here's a whole bunch of other peeps I'm hardpressed to identify. Except for Josh Groban, who seems like he's been trying very hard lately to appear not gay. Who are these people?
Who's the extremely white bald guy in this next picture? I still didn't know who he was even after they identified him in one of the behind-the-scenes videos. Izaac something? Or was that his last name? Seriously, if I had to guess I would have said, Moby.
It just gets worse. He was only on screen for a second, but even after I did a screen grab, the identity of this next singer still eludes me:I saw the last two original Beach Boys in the choir, looking like prunes. Brian Wilson also looked like a good reason to get bariatric surgery. And Mike Love looked every minute of his 60+ years.
In a wide shot, I got a glimpse of Mr. Barbra Streisand hanging out on the sidelines, just in range. Nearby, on a riser, some guy who resembled Elvis Costello, but wasn't, held his toddler daughter while he sang. Did the nanny have the day off? Jennifer Hudson was in good voice. I thought Fergie held her own quite nicely with Celine Deon.
Pink was powerful. She can do no wrong after her VMA performance, when she was hanging from the ceiling like a Cirque de Soleil acrobat, while simultaneously singing and taking a shower.
Hanna Montana's got a nice set o' pipes. Janet Jackson, singing with her dead brother, provided an unexpectedly poignant moment for me, since I'm very cynical about all things Jackson, except for the kids. Meanwhile, Tony Bennett seemed way out of place. Like a singing maitre d' at an old school Italian ristorante. Check out the wallpaper in the background. Who dressed that set?
I loved LLCoolJ, Snoop Dogg and Jamie Foxx rapping. No, I didn't know who the other rappers were. I looked for Vince Vaughan, anywhere. Never saw him.
Did you notice how the singers in the choir got moved around every time we cut back to them? Jeff Bridges started out in the middle and ended up in the back row. "Okay, people, let's break for lunch -- try to remember where you were standing."
I figured out who Wyclef Jean was. What's the deal with that guy? Not his voice, for sure.
I love this 25th anniversary version much more than the other one. Despite the unfortunate, weird, off key vibrato ending. I even shed a tear or two thinking about all those kids in Haiti. Then I donated a million dollars. Anonymously.
WATCH AND LISTEN TO THE VERSION OF THE VIDEO AT HULU.com HERE: