Okay. You're at work and there's a bomb threat. EVERYBODY OUT OF THE BUILDING!!!
Now, unless your boss is a total
jerk, you have the rest of the day off. Where are you going to go?
Shopping? Home? To a movie? To a motel to have sex with one of your
co-workers? So many options and yet, not the one that a group of
states attorney types in the Chicago area chose after a bomb threat
ended their day at the courthouse prosecuting drunk drivers.
Now that I've told you the job description of the people who got the
day off it won't take you long to figure out where that group went --
can't stand the suspense, can you? Okay, they went to a BAR. I'll
let the shock of that revelation sink in.
Keep in mind that along with the thrill of putting drunk bad guys in
most states attorney jobs have a perk which only adds to their sex
appeal. Congratulations, you get to drive company issued vehicles --
Impalas in this case.
However, as with most things governmental, those wheels come with
strings attached -- mainly, no drinking and driving, comprende? I smell a dose of irony.
After spending the day infusing themselves with hooch, one inebriated
member of this elite group of lawyers drove another equally, if not more
impaired, member of the group in his government car to her government
Now for the good part. No, there wasn't any hanky or panky.
The female of the two gets into her car with an alcohol level of .25,
which for you math impaired is three times the legal limit for drunk.
According to those who spent the day drinking with this 46 year old, well respected, much loved attorney, she exhibited
no outward signs of being shitfaced. Which may just mean she was
actually a full time 24/7 drunk. In fact, maybe she was so used to a
high level of alcohol in her system that she probably didn't think she
was lizard shee-tah at all. Or at least any more than normal.
Which may explain why she drove away without wearing a seatbelt, began
driving 80 MPH in a 45 MPH zone and started talking on her cell phone.
Which may also explain why she never saw the car she struck head-on. Ending her life.
The woman she hit is recovering from a broken arm and leg.
Since the details of her death have been released, her drinking buddy, the one that used
his government car to drive her to her government car, has resigned to
join a law firm. Isn't that like a disgraced beat cop quitting to join the
So far, none of the other drinkers and drivers of government vehicles
has been disciplined. I guess death can be a wake