Roseanne Barr To Replace Rosie?

There was a time when I was concerned with larger issues such as the future of the Soviet Union or whether weightlessness contributed to muscle loss, but not so much any more.

Take today for instance. Getting dressed would have been my crowning achievement. But I heard something on TV that got my hackles up. So I find myself in that rare position of having to speak out.

Regardless of the consequences, I find it necessary to put my foot down because I heard this morning on one of the early shows that Roseanne was being considered as Rosie's replacement on The View, Gag me.

I'm sure to most of you -- especially the guys -- those two women seem like the same person. They're both female; they're both considered fat by any standard; they're both over forty, they're both obnoxious; they both have similar names, and, supposedly, they're both comedians.

However, Roseanne's idea of funny is to sing the National Anthem off key on purpose. Not funny. And she posed semi-naked covered in mud with her husband of the moment, Tom Arnold, for Vanity Fair. That picture was just EEEEEWWWWWWWW. 

As if all that weren't enough, the truth is I can't stand her voice. It drives me insane, stuck up in her nose like that. It whines through her nasal passages and comes out sounding like she's not speaking, she's blowing her nose. 

Rosie sounds positively mellifluous by comparison.

Not that America's highest profile lesbian hasn't stepped over the line with her My Way Or The Highway attitude toward other people's opinions. I actually agree with a lot of her liberal crap [being full of it myself], except for her cockamammy theories about building seven being blown up with explosives on 911. Oh, please.

But she could be a little less STRIDENT. There, I said it, the one word besides bitch that nobody ever calls a man.

Couldn't they find someone who's just as controversial, but not necessarily a cartoon version of a female? 

Like say, Ann Coulter.