Columbus Day is one of those holidays that nobody but school children and mail carriers can look forward to. Most of us have to work anyway, so we don't even notice it, until we get home and remember, oh shit, there's not going to be any mail.
I think the problem is the Columbus day food. There isn't any. Good holidays are all about unique libations and comestibles. What else is a holiday for if not excessive eating and drinking and being merry? On the other hand, I think there's something to be said for holidays like Ramadan and Yom Kippur, which starve you from from sun up to sun down for up to a month and then let you party till you puke. In a manner of speaking.
Just how important is holiday food? It's so important that we borrow other holidays to make up for the dearth of food and drink on Columbus Day. We treat Bastille Day, St. Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo like they're ours. Even more than their countries of origin. And let's not forget the queen of holidays that aren't holidays -- Halloween. The day American children learn that strangers will give them bags and bags of candy as long as they wear funny clothes.
[By the way, if anybody knows why we celebrate Halloween, besides honoring the Native Americans who taught us how to make candy corn, let me know.]
It's apparent that none of us cares whether our adopted celebrations are on the approved list of Mondays without mail -- we'll take them because they serve food. And plenty of drinks.
Sure, the politically correct might say Columbus Day is important because it reflects our diversity -- you gotta love an Italian sailor working for a Spanish queen. It fits right into all the baloney about our different backgrounds being the foundation that built this country, blah blah blah. But you and I both know any holiday worth its salt is a holiday that requires extra Zantac. And eye of newt. Or is it a salty dog? Wait, hair of the dog.
Unfortunately, Columbus Day, like its ugly sister, Casimir Pulaski Day, another food free day here in the Chicago area, show up every year offering no reason for their existence.
Not even a cookie shaped like the Nina or the Pinta.
No doubt the bureaucrats who thought that Mondays would make good holidays, instead of Fridays, which are much better for just about everything, are the same people who forgot to include the food.
So, next year, what do you say we celebrate Columbus Day with something to eat? Something that captures Columbus' Italian heritage and the voyage of those three little ships across the ocean.
I'm thinking anchovy pizza.